Sigh, i miss my friends. Well, more precisely, I miss Nic and Lin. You know how great it feels to have two good friends both grounded in Christ that He becomes the pillar of our friendship? and that means we can share things we can't share with other people who don't understand.
I seriously hope we can finally meet this Friday. I miss them loads!

Yes I'm finally back from the lovely holiday in Tokyo and Shenzhen/Hong Kong!
Had much fun there and I JUST ABSOLUTELY LOVE THE COLD WEATHER!
Oh man can i like live there or something?

Anyway, this trip really opened up my eyes to many things.
Like how some of those workers at dad's factory are my age or younger and they have to do all those manual labour stuff. it was really funny, cos the moment we walked in, every single one of them turned and kept staring at us. i felt like a celebrity for once! HAHA.
but it also leaves me to know how blessed i am, which is obviously the intention of my parents for bringing us there. well, it worked!

Sigh those pampering salon trips we had was such an experience too, you can never get that price in sing. AWW I MISS IT!

Anyways, i'm bloggin for a reason again. and that's to rant out my bottled up feelings and thoughts once more!

Okay first things first. There're a few things bugging me. so i'm gonna start with the most recent one.

Damn. school is starting tmr and i havent started on photog assignment 2 and the rest of the dreaded assignments that are due next week! OHMG.

the next thing, i feel like i'm missing out on lots of stuff. i feel like everyone else around me seem to be enjoying themselves, going out and shopping and interacting, while i'm stuck at home. although i do have lots of stuff to do like editing pictures all day today, playing Wii and clearing my room, and exercising and STARTING ON MY ASSIGNMENTS OMG. its really bugging me.
but i long to go out! ): like seriously. i feel like everyone has moved on except me.
although i know i'm really privileged in other terms, like family life. with dad getting a brand new big car, getting to go on a wonderful holiday and having a harmonious family and most importantly God in my life, what more can I ask for right?

well, there always seems to be more that i want than what i have now.
okay i shan't dwell on it, things will get better next year i hope.
here's to a wonderful 2009!

OMG. I can't believe i'm back here blogging again. well, i kinda prefer to have my own personal blog y'know. anyway there's no particular reason why i'm back here. just felt like it, coming back to this blog and relieving the old memories and putting in new ones of course.

Anyway, today afternoon i received a phone call from a distant friend. Someone whom i've not spoken to in ages. It was for a favour of course, since now the exams are drawing near. I think it was kinda awkward at first? or so i felt, at the start. Haha i think i'm great at masking emotions over the phone. Too bad its not like that for me face to face.

So yeah, i wanna know how do i change this blog to be under my new email?
I really want to revamp this blog.
And revamp the whole tone of my previous 15- 16 year old self.
Gosh, when i read back on my old entries, i totally sound like some hyper kid gushing away about something.
Oh well. I have grown. Cliche as it sounds, its true.

OHMG GUESSSSSS WHAT! i have been accepted into TP's communications and media management! ohmg i can't believe it! i was so so happy when i saw the 'congratulations' on the JPSAE website!

okay here's the whole story. i woke up early yesterday morning receiving an sms saying that i've been accepted into business/logistics/marketing in TP through jae. i was like really shocked and upset. and trying to accept it as i guessed that was probably where God wants me to go. in the afternoon i even went down to TP with Mich and her dad to ask about the appealing, and got my letter and resume all ready to send. haha i was advised to be super kiasu and send 4 copies of my appeal letter. Two by email to different addresses of course, one by post and one in person to TP itself. So i went to send two letters by email first, and today i went back down to TP with mich to deliver the letter when the people told me i had to make a copy of my ic and results slip as well! which i didn't, so i planned to go back tomorrow.

so in the end, me and mich decided to head off to town for shopping and eating! when on the bus, this lady from tp called and said she received my letter. then she asked if i checked my JPSAE results, then i was like no, cos i didnt know where to check it from. then she said it was the jpsae website. but i realised that when i tried to check yesterday, it said 'click for application' so i thought they wouldn't have it. but it turns out that i actualy have to click on that link to bring me to the login page!

okay digressing abit here. anyway at town, me and mich felt really accomplished today! cos we bought these really pretty dresses that were such a steal! and me, finally found my gold bangles. and her, this really nice tee that fits perfectly! yeah then after that we went to lido to eat and talk, and walked around topshop and found this golden top that was on sale!

yeah so back to the topic. reached home and i logged on to the jpsae website. and THE MOMENT I SAW 'CONGRATULATIONS' I FELT LIKE I COULDN'T BREATHE! and i just started laughing and screaming! it was like pure euphoria, something that i've not felt in a long long time! and i just kept thanking God over and over again cos he granted me the desires of my heart just like what it said in one of the psalms! GOSH I'M OVERJOYED NOW! I REALLY WANTED THIS SO MUCH AND HE GAVE IT TO ME! AHAHAHH I'M SO GLAD!

well now i just really hope that everything will go well for mich and her course. so that she can stay in tp, and me, mich and lianne can be in the same school! ohmg, seriously so happy now! thank God!

haha oh yes anyway, yesterday i went for the audition for NDP 2008 for the hiphop dancing thing that youthnet organised. met up with chrislyn and we headed to the alienated bedok camp. then we learnt the steps and all, which are so not hiphop! its more like aerobics/warm up exercises haha. then yeah we got chosen as 'hiphop' dancers while others were skyrunners. then all the hiphop people had to form this large circle and each of us were to take turns to perform one eighth of freestyle dance individually! nerve wrecking. then there was another round where a few of us had to stand inside the circle and dance around each other. hahaha it was damn hilarious! but it was totally fun. and we met alot of new people and made friends with them too, everyone was really nice and friendly. oh well, there'll be many more practices to come then!

ahh yay, can't wait for tmr. finally meeting up with mich and lianne after eons! and its dress day! haha and after that finally going to dance rehearsal again together with the adult dancers! (:

What a week it was! Anyway to start things off, last week after service went to sha's house for visiting and dinner. Then the next day, monday, was my JPSAE interview for tp's mass comm! But firstly had to go back to school with glenda to collect our testimonials. And when i went there, Lopez was like 'oh i forgotten all about it! give me 10 mins, i'll go look for it' . so much for my letter. and mine was like just a draft, not the real thing unlike glenda's. seriously. Then went straight to tp, bumped into sherrie, amirah and farah. Was trying not to freak out, then it was finally my turn. All was fine till they asked me about my cca then i accidentally blurted out that i didn't participate in SYF. Ohmg i really felt so dumb, then i was trying despearately to think of things to say to cover it up. But all my words came out all wrong, and I felt even more nervous! They also asked me what type of magazines i read, so i said fashion magazines! Then luckily i remembered Newsweek in secondary school. oh well, i was being real and honest so hopefully they'll take that into account. Thank God in the end the interview ended on a good note!

The next two days were spent helping M about her whole situation. Goodness, i've never met a more cunning manipulative psychotic maniac in my whole life ever!

Oh yeah, and I did some baking for Vday! And it was spent with tiffany and michelle. Couples were bombarding every where we went, it was hard not to feel a little you know. But whatever, nothing beats being single and lovin it now after all that has happened. Anyway, we watched PS I Love You. And its not even that good! After headed for dinner, and sha came along too, at Raffles City.

Haha Friday was L's Big Night! Went over to her place in the afternoon to help her choose her clothes and prepare for whats to happen later on! It was so funny, she was like freaking out at first and I tried to calm her down but it wasn't much better for me either, as I'd be joining two complete strangers for dinner too! Then headed down to TM and we met them. They actually suggested Pastamania, but of course in the Rules are to NEVER eat pasta on a date. So we suggested our planned place Fish and Co, and we had a really early dinner. Dinner was real awkward, countless silences and L and i finished our 4 topics to talk about in less than 15 minutes! They didn't really elaborate or anything, but they were nice. Walked around after that, and headed to 77th street. Then there was this box full of 'magic boxers' that caught our eye, and we were staring at it wondering what exactly was that, when they came over. Then L asked him what was that! And his answer was a most hilarious one. So we burst out laughing and L was dying of embarrassment, it was so funny. After everyone settled down, we decided to go catch Jumper. And his friend decided not to join us, so you can imagine what a gigantic lightbulb i felt like because L didn't allow me to leave! But it wasnt as bad in the cinema. I decided to leave soon after the movie, which was obviously a good idea. Reached home and L called and told me everything. Gosh, she's head over heels now. But well, he got my approval!

Its been so long since I blogged! Anyhows, i'm like in malacca now. And i'll finally be going back home tomorrow, yay. Anyway so many things have happened over the last couple of weeks. Like new year shopping with mom and friends over the last few days, botanic gardens picnic with tiff, nic and sherrie, catching up with sha, and bowling and the whole me and him thing. i'm having such mixed feelings every time i think about it. in other words, i know what 'm supposed to do and i'm trying but then i have doubts and i don't want to and all. oh well.

But then again, i'm sure all those things mean little compared to the big interview that my whole future depends on this monday for tp's CMM! ohmg, i'm so scared. but i can't wait too. anyhows. some chinese new year this is. it wasn't what i expected. i thought that maybe this year would be different, like maybe there would be more bonding and stuff like that. but it didn't really happen. like today, we went to the jetty for karaoke and all the oldies were hogging the mikes with their oldie songs. like really old canto/chinese songs of the 1960s era i think. i even fell asleep because i was bored to death. but whatever , perhaps someday things will change. like people will really express interest in each other's life with love and concern and talk to each other without any tinge of annoyance. hopefully someday, God will make a way on my whole family situation.

Oooh i finally got back my results yesterday! The anticipation was killing me ever since wednesday night. and i didnt even sleep till 6am, no kidding! but well partly because i was on the line and had to finish nic and lin's scrapbooks at the same time. Then in the late morning, mich came over just like at that time during o's, and i felt like wow, ohmg time really flies because here we are awaiting our results. reached school and felt kinda sentimental as its gonna be the last time i'll be wearing the uniform and ever experiencing secondary school life again! sigh. i'm gonna miss lining up as a class accordding to index number and talking to the thirties, cheering my friends on and even listening to the little talks by the principal/teachers.

then well, the results were announced. this year we didnt do as well as expected. so yeah, i didn't achieve my target of 15 and below. because i got 16. was so upset at first cos like didnt meet the cop for mass comm. but like i think there's still hope now. anyway loads of people didnt do as well as expected. its kinda sad though. but after speaking to mom and her friend when i got home, i finally saw the light again. hahah, its true but cliche as that sounds.

then left the house again early to meet up with chrislyn at city hall. we decided to go for a nice big meal to cheer ourselves up from our results. so we headed to kenny rogers and talked about everything! then we realised that actually it was kinda our fault for not doing that well in humanities because during that time we went to lido to study together, we ended up buying so many donuts and gorging ourselves ! and we even went to walk around to look at the sales and tried on clothes! ohmg, we had such a good laugh about it and our silliness hahaha! so after dinner , headed to dance . and today was the audition/reassesment!

we learned a slow and fast choreography by kelvin. hmm it wasokay i guess, just that like so nervous! but then i improved since last time, hahah so i'm so happy (:

anyway today went to sp with mom to check out the media comm course. its okay i guess. i wouldnt mind goign there. but i'd rather go tp! and mich is considering going to tp too, for the new psychology course. thats another alternative for me too. and lianne! haha imagine if we all get into the same course , it'll be so fun!

before sp, mom took me out for lunch at Out of the Pan at raffles city. oh the crepes were so good! i can't believe this, but my parents are actually quite proud of me, i dont know why too. maybe because i surpassed their expectations. so they want to reward me! my dad's thinking of getting me a laptop soon. ohmg, thats unbelievable. and todaymom bought me that organiser from prints that i always wanted! so in the end, it was a good day. thank God for having such supportive parents, i really appreciate that! (:

oh man. i'm so touched by psalm 22 because it reminds me of how jesus was tormented and despised during the cruxifixion but he beared with it because he loved us so.

anyway class dinner was just now at the 85 market! finally saw most people after a very long time! and mostly everyone was talking about their current jc life, which makes me comtemplate again whether i want to go there too. but then, i don't know. we'll see how the results are on thursday. OHMG, thursday! anyway i've finally found someone in my class who also wants to do mass comm in tp, amirah! haha yay, but of course it'll be true if i can get in .

ah well. i'm still looking for a job. i need to work badly because i need money to go shopping. BUT But but, chinese new year is coming! hahahah so there'll be cashhhh. ohmg i sound so money-faced.

looking forward to later, finally meeting mich. and nic and lin for dinner too! (:

The past week has been much better so far! Finally got to meet up with people i've not seen for a long long time! And had loads of fun too as some shopping had been done as well, with lots of shops having sale and all.

Tuesday met up with tiffany and we headed to chinatown for awhile. I realised that there's quite some good shopping there too. can't wait to go again. and also to little india, heard there's a really good place for threading eyebrows. and then we travelled back to isetan scotts to meet mom, her friends, amelyn and her friend. it was a little awkward at first but in the end it was okay. and and i really dont mind going overseas to study! after amelyn told us about how highly paid the jobs are in perth and all the benefits, and definitely not forgetting the relaxed school system, i waaannt to go! but not now though, don't think i'm ready yet, probably after poly/jc or something.

Then on wednesday, met tiff and sherrie and headed to taka. Went for a nice nice lunch at tonkichi, i think? it was satisfying, no, our stomachs were filled to the brim, but it was good! ohoh i'm still extremely furious at my stupidity/carelessness! as i've lost fifty bucks due to carelessly stuffing it in my bag while rushing out of the house. now its gone so no shopping for me for the rest of the day.

thursday was rather tiring, worked out at amore before meeting chrislyn and heading down to ML to return our files. argh, i'll only be getting my pay in late feb/march! then went for dance, was really tired during practice, like had the 'i wanna go home and sleep now!' kinda feeling. but i the end it was quite fun, cos we learnt about the free dancing part!

ohh man, there's two things i need to get done urgently. find a good job that i enjoy and go take course-like dance classes. but unfortunately for the latter, the classes have already started at oschool/jitterbugs, so gotta wait till march.

Relaxing day today finally. Was beginning to feel worn out after being out everyday. so ended up goin to parkway for a little while with mom for tea and some grocery shopping.

Tomorrow's gonna be tiring too, cell devotion at east coast in the morning then going down town to do some flea market shopping. hope there will be some steals for dresses like the last time!
Breakfast and sol2 with chrislyn on sunday morning. that brings back memories with a particular someone, stupid ones though. okay maybe not, but i feel they are right now at this point of time.

FINALLY COMING TO MY SENSES! :D

You know what, I've finally come to my senses. It was yesterday night after talking to him and today as well, as I pondered over what I've done and talked to God about it. And i'm really glad that i've finally come out of this trap of getting so overwhelmed by my own feelings that i tend to make stupid decisions. Like telling him how i felt about him. Yes i know, i can't believe i did that, and its like the first time i ever did something like this! I was so embarrassed after that and his reaction was not quite what i expected. But it wasn't bad, but i'm glad. Because i think it was neccessary for me to snap out of this falling in love fantasy of mine.

And yes! Two nights ago, i had this dream about him. It was a bad dream. To cut the whole long story short, i dreamt that he hurt me again. The feelings that i experienced in that dream were so real, the familiar 'stab in the heart' feeling and the tears that i cried in the dream. It was very emotional, and the whole point is that it was a reminescence of the past. This dream reminded me how it was like to be hurt, the feelings that i experienced last time became familiar to me again. And i can say that i definitely do not want to feel these horrible emotions any time soon, they're just so unpleasant. And when i woke up the next morning, the familiarity of those emotions are still there, even now as i'm typing this, i can still feel it.

I'm glad i had this dream because it gave me something to really think about, like whether do i want to experience them again, and whether what i'm doing now is worth it. I also believe that God gave me this dream for a very good reason. And today confirmed this belief even more asi was at Trumpet Praise and i came across this book about dream interpretations, and what God is trying to tell you in them. In the section on 'Past Relationships' , it says that having these dreams indicate that i'm tempted to fall back into old patterns and ways of thinking. and it is also a warning from God not to relapse into old habits and mindsets that were not profitable. When i read that, i was like 'OHMYGOSH! thats so true!' and i could really really sense that God was working and his plan for me was to kinda like stay away from him. Not that he's bad or what, but its probably best that way.

And having the conversation with Nic last night also helped. She definitely brought me to my senses too, by reminding me not to play with fire and not being so naive. Thanks girl! Even though after i talked to her, i still talked with him. But i'm glad that happened because this time our convo was different. It was just plain friend-ly and I felt weird after we hung up. Like kinda stupid, but THAT brought me to my senses as i realised it should stay that way.

My plan and promise this year is to develop a more intimate relationship with Him and really grow. I've also decided that i'm never letting any relationship that i'll have, be it friends or guys, sway and break my relationship with Him. Unlike what happened last year. But i've got no regrets because many memories were made and trials that had happened made me learn alot too. So i totally thank God for answering my prayer on leaving this whole matter in His hands and revealing to me what should be done.

I don't think a friendship with him is worth growing either because many times i've taken the initiative to try to get him to open up and talk about things. But its like he tells me he doesn't know what to say/he can't remember, and it gets boring. Like 'no creative juices ah!' Like he doens't really talk man! ohmygoodness. now i'm convinced that i should just not care about him anymore. wasting my time. that sounds mean, but thats how i really feel, because i have been wasting my time waiting for him anyway.

Oh man, this is super de duper personal. But never mind, I don't think he'll ever read this anyway!

HELLO HELLO! its been liek so long since i last blogged. because so many things were going on, like intensive rehearsals for countown party and all.

but thats over already. so now i'm pretty free. well actually, VERY free!
and thats not all. looks like my fantasy about holiday flings are coming true. HAHA.

welllllllllll. its actually you again! as in you know who, who else can it be!
i wonder/hope thigns between us go well.
why can't i ever let go?
i think its because we never really ended it in the first place?

okayokay. all i need to do now is to guard my heart.
hurt, disappointment , pain , i don't want you to come back .

but its so difficult, when you just find yourself genuinely caring for that person again.
sigh. what am i going to do.

anyway i suddenly have the urge to go shopping in town. haha.

and also i've been having insomnia every night lately. last night i couldn't sleep so i went to eat till a full stomach before sleeping. i figured it prolly will work to help you sleep better?

tonight, i'm thinking , if i can't sleep , i'm gonna take a walk downstairs! haha. too bad i'll be alone, it'll be so much more fun if someone were to join me! (: