oh great , it hurts now .

maybe i'm not over it yet . if i am , why am i still feeling this way . why do i still care . one moment i'm so whatever about it , another i'm not . its confusing , its like my emotions are taking me over . i couldnt really concentrate in today's exam , i keep stopping to think about everything that has happened . its hard , now then i care about how i really feel . i feel like my heart's a tornado , with my emotions flying all over the place .

i'm so glad i finally did it today . a relationship like this isn't worth carrying on . even if you were not cheating , i think i would still do the same . you tell me to trust you and so i did . but still its so hard bcos you just dont know how to treat a girl . you dont know how to make her feel loved , feel secure , feel like she means the world to you . just like a leopard that never changes its spots , so doesnt a cheat and a flirt . i may be disappointed now , even a little hurt . but i'll get over it . i cant tolerate the thought of sharing the person you love with someone else , esp when its true . i guess you probably don't treasure relationships since its not the first time . but i give up already . i am upset with you but i don't hate you , neither do i love you anymore . its not that i don't want to , but i just can't . maybe after all , you don't really feel the same way about me , maybe it was just an infatuation but then again , i don't want to carry any false hopes already .

seriously man i really pity the other her . i can tell that she trusts and loves you with all her heart and yet you still did that. i have no idea why i'm symphatising with her and not myself . but please get this clear , we're both girls and our hearts are vulnerable . i hope you never ever do this to any girl in future , we dont deserve this kinda shit .

Katherine Mcphee-Over It

I'm over your lies
And I'm over your games
I'm over you asking me
When you know
I'm not OK

You call me at night
And I pick up the phone
And though you be tellin' me
I know
You're not alone

Oh
And that's why
Your eyes
I'm over it
Your smile
I'm over it
Realized
I'm over it
I'm over it
I'm over

Wanting you
To be wanting me
No that ain't no way to be
How I feel
Read my lips
Because I'm so over
I'm so
Moving on
And it's my time
You never were a friend of mine
Hurt at first
A little bit
And now I'm so over
I'm so over it

I'm over your hands
And I'm over your mouth
Tryin' to drag me down
And fill me with self doubt

Oh
And that's why
Your world
I'm over it
So sure
I'm over it
I'm not your girl
I'm over it
I'm over it
I'm over

Don't call
Don't come by
Ain't no use
Don't ask me why
You'll never change
There'll be no more
Cryin' in the rain

I'm so over it
Wanting you
To be wanting me
No that ain't no way to be
How I feel
Read my lips
Because I'm so over
I'm so
Moving on
And it's my time
You never were a friend of mine
Hurt at first
A little bit
And now I'm so over
So over it


for the first time since long ago , i truly felt happy just worshipping God in church today . i felt his assurance and i'm so glad that He'll be here for me . my relationship with God is the most important in my life right now .

and i really thank God too for all my wonderful friends who've been there for me all the way and supporting me , asking me such thought-provoking questions and waking me up from that world of confusion. and girlfriends are definitely more important than one guy . so yeah i love all of you loads! (:

yay finally the week's over . and certain things were found out during it . gosh it was so embarrassing , but then again , what can i do . its like pouring cats and dogs now . that sucks , especially if its your birthday today . omg thunders and lightnings are scary .

i cant believe exams are next week . i feel like its the starting of hoildays .

and i've got bio tuition later . argh boring . i can't wait for sunday to come , cos finally yeah. but i dread monday .

happy birthday , love.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MICHELLE (:

sweet sixteens shall always be crazy . well today could've been more , but all thanks to the stupid rain , sigh . but its okay we still had fun ! took loads of pics the whole time haha . it was as if that was our main objective , which isn't by the way . such nostalgia about that place , it was just last year we went there and it feels like it wasnt too long ago . fact is , it really has been almost a YEAR ! sigh how time just flies .

chinese tuition was zzzzz . so tiring man . we all fell asleep and in the end was late for it . oh wells i'm really tired and i cant believe exams are next week . its all too fast .

i really miss people now .

didnt go to school yesterday too . luckily had an mc though .

i need to get down to studying . SERIOUSLY ):

just came back from church . so many things happened this weekend . it must be god's will even though now i feel damn down yet happy that i finally realised many things . had a talk with shawnie after service . and yeah actually i kinda feel overwhelmed by everything . i feel lost even though i know that there's hope . caught in the middle on what i should do . feel afraid about th obstacles that are going to come my way , i feel scared that i cant handle it . even though i know god will help me through . so many issues like my about me growing spiritually and all . but today shawn told me that god gave me the gift of prophecy? or that i'm a prophetess . something like that . my conscience , the holy spirit , that voice inside of me thats extremely strong . i used to think everyone had it , maybe everyone does . just that she told me that mine was stronger . she also made me realise that its important to listen to this gift , or else one day it'll just be gone . like that . and i dont want that to happen too . i feel so thankful that i've finally realised about this gift . but still , i have to learn not to ignore it . we also talked about my baptism name . and i found out that meixiu is also getting baptised next month as well ! omg how cool is that (:

anyway yeah before service met up with chrislyn and meixiu to catch up . went to bugis for a socalled lunch . we were all so late . but yeah talked about many things and i miss dance so much ! found out that some weeks they had to take away the floorers cos there were not enough people ! sigh ): oh well but i'm so glad that i have friends like them (:

yesterday was the socalled worst day of my life . even though i did have loads of fun . was supposed to go for congre meeting at tc . but didnt in the end so met up with adrina and we went to marine parade . we were like in 7-11 for so long choosing magazines to bring up to daniel hall to read . omg it was so damn funny ! then sha came and the three of us we hid in the pantry with food and all . then went over to parkway and we printed our photos at some sony ericsson printer there . haha the things we do when we're together (: love them to bits and pieces !
anyway mom found out . again . wth now she want to 'control me and be very strict with me' this sucks man . and now i have to earn back her trust ALL OVER AGAIN ! but yesterday night when we talked it did make me realise that actually it is wrong . oh well . anyway once again i'm so thankful for my friends , especially the ones who've been there for me whenever i need them .

and that girl is so dumb man . she's seriously such a joke . she says it as if she's like so close to him . what.a.showoff. everything seems so similar again . people telling me things that just makes me feel as if it is true .

FRIDAY

went out for supper after bio tuition with cell group! shawnie came to pick me up at parkway and we headed off to siglap starbucks . HAHHAA the memories of that place . and at the exact same table too . then after rachel came to join us . anyway all of us had fun talking loads . but something happened . i should seriously do something about it . if not what kind of impressions am i giving to others ? anyway the sec3 bio class was SUCH a show ! omg i could laugh my head off . that faith girl totally revealed her love for that guy today ! omg okay cos when mr lam was talking about cloning humans , that girl was like 'so can i clone _____ so that i can keep one at home?' she was referring to that guy . omg everyone was like wth HAHAAHHA . hilarious , and she said many many other things as well . omg she's so not paiseh at all la ! omg man its like the funniest thing EVER !

retail therapy is really effective (: went shopping with mom yesterday . HAHAHA i'm super happy cos bought lots of stuff . finally crossed out some items on my shopping list already ! got mostly beauty products from clinique , its addictive . cos you just see so many nice nice products to pamper yourself that you just want more and more . hahaaaa yeah school is STRESSFUL now . sigh and its only 12 days to midyears ! what i am still doing now ?! anyway me and sylvie are targeting for <20 color="#000000">but now we kinda changed it . cos i dont think i can . but dont worry dear partner , WE WILL MAKE IT !

anyways i'm going out soon (: going to celebrate michelle's birthday with our chinese tutor at Margarita's ! yay mexican food here we come HAHA lovelove it ! oh wells but at least i finally told nic and lin , or else i'll be suffering from a guilty conscience . andand today me and lianne's plan didnt work ! HAHA it was really funny though , so sneaky and all ! yay tmr will be going supper with cellgroup after bio tuition . cant wait to meet the babes again ! oh and saturday will be a dinner outing with chrislyn and meixiu , gosh i miss them tons and loads . haha that i cant wait too (:

___________________________________________________________________

just came back from the totally sumptuos dinner ! it was like the best . and we ate so much i felt that my stomach was gonna burst . anyway it was over 100bucks and laoshi paid ! but then we were saying that with that kind of money we spent we could have just gone to some nice nice hotel and eat the buffet ! omg i wish then can dress up and all too ! sigh but anyway after dinner me and mich suddenly had a crazy idea . so dangerous to say here . i never know who's reading this . but anyway it was crazy and so us ! (: and on the bus on the way to margaritas , bumped into church people ! what a coincedence ! but they were really nice though (:

one month baby <3

just came back from a homework session with mich and lianne at her house . as there is now officially NO MORE tutorials and ccas FOREVER ! wow we ate so much ! all the junk so therefore i can conclude that studying makes you fat ! well at least for us . HAHA anyway my week so far was good (: we even skipped the last drama practice on friday . and then had bio tuition at parkway till 10pm . and as usual omg the sec3 class was such a show ! that girl again , which we found out that her name was FAITH called the indian guy a sexy thang again this time infront of everyone even mr lam ! and then he told her to shut up and she still retorted something like 'but its true !' HAHAHA omg . and and when we went to the office after class , the indian guy told the person working there that there was this crazy girl in the class and whether he could change her class , HAHA oh wells but she seems kinda poor thing but whatever la .

then on saturday had my 2.4km run in the morning ! me and mich woke up late and so we rushed like mad to bedok reservoir only to find out that it hasnt even STARTED yet ! and mich suddenly lost her phone so we called the cab and all and searched like mad but we still found nothing . oh gosh but then anyway this time i think 2.4 wasnt that bad ! cos we all listened to mp3s while running and i actually RAN 3/4 without feeling i was gonna drop dead and die ! haha must be all that dancing and running in the gym (: unlike the last few times . then then went home and suntanned by the pool . now i'm sunburnt ! and i dont know why but i'm feeling damn itchy cos of the stupid sunburns ! arghhhh well at least i'm a little tanner ! (: after that had chinese tuition with mich again . which after the both of us cabbed down to bedok reservoir to try our luck to search for her phone but still couldnt find anything . well , look on the bright side mich you'll be getting a nice new phone (:

oh and yesterday was so FUN ! (: met up with sha and adrina before service and we went to coffee bean to hangout and gossip . we stayed there until it was like 2plus as we didnt realise the time therefore we were wayyy late for service ! HAHA then we just sat at hall9 doing guilty things instead of listening . omg i felt so bad after that . but anyhows we had fun . after cell it was sha's house and then after that adrina came over to mine . sigh what a day it was yesterday . love the girls loads we shall continue again next week ! (:

yellow shoes !

HAHAHAHA what a day it was yesterday. didn’t go to school (: okay la actually i just ponned school today . woke at 10plus when kim called . we decided to get our polyclinic mcs and then head to town . hah omg i feel so baaadd ! cos this is like TRUANCY ! omg i think i shant elaborate anymore . just that at the stupid polyclinic we had to wait over 2 HOURS and we were extremely extremely pissed too ! and what a wonderful 16 bucks i had to pay for my mc and medicine ! the government is SO unfair to people like me , after all i was born in singapore ! argh humph . it was so piss-offing i tell you ): ANYWAY we didn’t look the least sick when we both rushed out of the clinic HAHA and we were NOT the only school skippers there okay ! and and kim got a HOT doctor who was super nice ! LUCKY HER ! then we went down to town and walked around searching for nice clothes (: went to daniel yam and tried on really pretty dresses that we fell in love with ! and went to the tangs dressing room which was so pretty that even the saleswoman was camwhoring inside HAHA . well that’s kinda all no more details given HAH .

HELLO WORLD !
so much has happened this week ! anyway i just got a Siamese kitten omg its so cute (: and its called SUGAR ! and then like lots of things happened in school but i cant really remember . but ANYWAYS Thursday was FUNNN ! after school ((: we went to the USUAL haah and did the USUAL too ! okay whateverrr that was so random but i enjoyed myself as always when we’re together (:

GOOD FRIDAY !
went to TC early in the morning for tribe stuff at the auditorium then had lunch at the roland restaurant . it was so crowded man but that’s cool cos that means more people to look at haha ! then cos i told kim about eyecandy and then both sherrie and her so excited to come and see that they really came all the way down to marine parade , with bird along too ! then so kim and sherrie were in DRESSES i think a lot of people must be staring but its so cool that means we’re the attention (: haha okay nevermind ! then we showed them the eyecandies and they went super high too (: IT WAS SOOO HILARIOUS ! but we had a great time , didn’t we ! then tiff and i got changed into dresses at church toilet and headed off to suntec to catch freedom writers . its on racism and it was surprisingly good too (: then after that the 3 of them left so me and tiffy headed off to fareast to collect her shoes . halfway through suntec we saw this couple with really really weird hairstyles , as in the both SHAVED the bottom parts of their had and the upper half they tied it into a PONYTAIL ! both of them ! i will NEVER EVER EVER do that ! or ever wear COUPLE TEES ! HAHA then nothing much just saw loads of nice clothes , shoes , bags at far east ! then went home for dinner .

SATURDAY
pamper me day ! met lianne after lunch and we headed off to citylink to get our bangs ! then halfway through saw (: HAHA (: walked around first though to check out other hair salons but couldn’t find any suitable ones so went to get our eyebrows done at BROWHAUS ! we did threading , it was quite good and felt quite high class too haha . then went back to citylink and met mich halfway through . and with a twist of fate , ran into (: AGAIN ! hahah yayyy (: then me and lianne got bangs while mich just trimmed her fringe too . i don’t know how to describe how i look with it , BUT BUT i seriously hope i look nice and not stupid looking ! yeah but i’m so not used to it ): hopefully when it seasons out it’ll be nicer ! yeah then took a lot of before and after pics too . then went to marina for a little while and went to starbucks at suntec and me and lianne got our waterbottles ! we found a superr nice design ! its PINK and has hearts all over it (:and it also comes with a free drink ! coolness man (: mich also wanted to get it but she already bought the other design , but hopefully the 3 of us will have the same bottles ! yeah then mich’s dad fetched us halfway home and after went for dinner cos dad ‘s back . ate peranakan food at frankel there . love it ! and (: called halfway haha . so cute man ! anyways yeah planned to meet adrina tmr morning . she cut her hair too today so tmr when we meet we’ll both have new hairstyles (: going to clarke quay to camwhore and do girl stuff cant waittt !

SUNDAY

today was fun fun fun but also a super lazy day . met adrina in the morning and we decided to head to cityhall instead cos we were laaate and rushing . walked to raffles city basement , HAH our place (: and talked loads and walk loads before buying some food . then headed to STARBUCKS and ordered the super nice drink that i drank yesterday too and the potato salad , which turned out quite gross ! ): haha and as usual we made a total mess out of the table AGAIN , just like we did at the soup spoon . gosh that was so us , then we quickly zaoed before anyone saw us ! HAHA then went to ROXY and tried on clothes (: camwhored loads and the salesperson knocked on our dressing room , which became completely embarrassing when we finally came out after 65492 minutes ! and and they were giving us those looks , and we quickly ran out of the shop , laughing our heads off . rushed down to expo and we were wayyy late ! but it was okay . there wasnt any cell after service so went to sha's house to hang out and gossip . its been ages since we did that ! but anyway we ended up falling asleep for awhile and i headed home . no mood for SCHOOL tmr bleahhhhxzxz !

so confused on what i should do

everything seems to surface and its just so you

before i even give my trust

take hold of my hand

assuring me that i'm the only one

i still wanna love you

HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY !

went to catch the number 23 this morning before church and lunched at kennyrogers (: thanks dear for today , and NO i wont take advantage of you ! then received a text from kim telling me that i should stop being a bitch , which gave me a shock of my life ! but thanks to (: who's so much smarter and so not gullible like me , reminded me that today was april fools then i finally got it ! HAHA then headed off to expo before something embarrassing happened . ohh then it was the usual church and cell group stuff , then me and tiff trained to cityhall and wisma to walk around and meet her parents for dinner . ate the nice nice curry naan there too (: weelll , thats kinda all but sundays should be more interesting ! with the exception of this morning la . sigh now i'm like thinking of all the clothes we saw at FOREVER 21 ! and i think when i say interesting i mean going shopping ! ohno i think i better start saving up to splurge soon when the whole singapore's on sale in june (: i just cant stop thinking about it .