Oooh i finally got back my results yesterday! The anticipation was killing me ever since wednesday night. and i didnt even sleep till 6am, no kidding! but well partly because i was on the line and had to finish nic and lin's scrapbooks at the same time. Then in the late morning, mich came over just like at that time during o's, and i felt like wow, ohmg time really flies because here we are awaiting our results. reached school and felt kinda sentimental as its gonna be the last time i'll be wearing the uniform and ever experiencing secondary school life again! sigh. i'm gonna miss lining up as a class accordding to index number and talking to the thirties, cheering my friends on and even listening to the little talks by the principal/teachers.

then well, the results were announced. this year we didnt do as well as expected. so yeah, i didn't achieve my target of 15 and below. because i got 16. was so upset at first cos like didnt meet the cop for mass comm. but like i think there's still hope now. anyway loads of people didnt do as well as expected. its kinda sad though. but after speaking to mom and her friend when i got home, i finally saw the light again. hahah, its true but cliche as that sounds.

then left the house again early to meet up with chrislyn at city hall. we decided to go for a nice big meal to cheer ourselves up from our results. so we headed to kenny rogers and talked about everything! then we realised that actually it was kinda our fault for not doing that well in humanities because during that time we went to lido to study together, we ended up buying so many donuts and gorging ourselves ! and we even went to walk around to look at the sales and tried on clothes! ohmg, we had such a good laugh about it and our silliness hahaha! so after dinner , headed to dance . and today was the audition/reassesment!

we learned a slow and fast choreography by kelvin. hmm it wasokay i guess, just that like so nervous! but then i improved since last time, hahah so i'm so happy (:

anyway today went to sp with mom to check out the media comm course. its okay i guess. i wouldnt mind goign there. but i'd rather go tp! and mich is considering going to tp too, for the new psychology course. thats another alternative for me too. and lianne! haha imagine if we all get into the same course , it'll be so fun!

before sp, mom took me out for lunch at Out of the Pan at raffles city. oh the crepes were so good! i can't believe this, but my parents are actually quite proud of me, i dont know why too. maybe because i surpassed their expectations. so they want to reward me! my dad's thinking of getting me a laptop soon. ohmg, thats unbelievable. and todaymom bought me that organiser from prints that i always wanted! so in the end, it was a good day. thank God for having such supportive parents, i really appreciate that! (:

oh man. i'm so touched by psalm 22 because it reminds me of how jesus was tormented and despised during the cruxifixion but he beared with it because he loved us so.

anyway class dinner was just now at the 85 market! finally saw most people after a very long time! and mostly everyone was talking about their current jc life, which makes me comtemplate again whether i want to go there too. but then, i don't know. we'll see how the results are on thursday. OHMG, thursday! anyway i've finally found someone in my class who also wants to do mass comm in tp, amirah! haha yay, but of course it'll be true if i can get in .

ah well. i'm still looking for a job. i need to work badly because i need money to go shopping. BUT But but, chinese new year is coming! hahahah so there'll be cashhhh. ohmg i sound so money-faced.

looking forward to later, finally meeting mich. and nic and lin for dinner too! (:

The past week has been much better so far! Finally got to meet up with people i've not seen for a long long time! And had loads of fun too as some shopping had been done as well, with lots of shops having sale and all.

Tuesday met up with tiffany and we headed to chinatown for awhile. I realised that there's quite some good shopping there too. can't wait to go again. and also to little india, heard there's a really good place for threading eyebrows. and then we travelled back to isetan scotts to meet mom, her friends, amelyn and her friend. it was a little awkward at first but in the end it was okay. and and i really dont mind going overseas to study! after amelyn told us about how highly paid the jobs are in perth and all the benefits, and definitely not forgetting the relaxed school system, i waaannt to go! but not now though, don't think i'm ready yet, probably after poly/jc or something.

Then on wednesday, met tiff and sherrie and headed to taka. Went for a nice nice lunch at tonkichi, i think? it was satisfying, no, our stomachs were filled to the brim, but it was good! ohoh i'm still extremely furious at my stupidity/carelessness! as i've lost fifty bucks due to carelessly stuffing it in my bag while rushing out of the house. now its gone so no shopping for me for the rest of the day.

thursday was rather tiring, worked out at amore before meeting chrislyn and heading down to ML to return our files. argh, i'll only be getting my pay in late feb/march! then went for dance, was really tired during practice, like had the 'i wanna go home and sleep now!' kinda feeling. but i the end it was quite fun, cos we learnt about the free dancing part!

ohh man, there's two things i need to get done urgently. find a good job that i enjoy and go take course-like dance classes. but unfortunately for the latter, the classes have already started at oschool/jitterbugs, so gotta wait till march.

Relaxing day today finally. Was beginning to feel worn out after being out everyday. so ended up goin to parkway for a little while with mom for tea and some grocery shopping.

Tomorrow's gonna be tiring too, cell devotion at east coast in the morning then going down town to do some flea market shopping. hope there will be some steals for dresses like the last time!
Breakfast and sol2 with chrislyn on sunday morning. that brings back memories with a particular someone, stupid ones though. okay maybe not, but i feel they are right now at this point of time.

FINALLY COMING TO MY SENSES! :D

You know what, I've finally come to my senses. It was yesterday night after talking to him and today as well, as I pondered over what I've done and talked to God about it. And i'm really glad that i've finally come out of this trap of getting so overwhelmed by my own feelings that i tend to make stupid decisions. Like telling him how i felt about him. Yes i know, i can't believe i did that, and its like the first time i ever did something like this! I was so embarrassed after that and his reaction was not quite what i expected. But it wasn't bad, but i'm glad. Because i think it was neccessary for me to snap out of this falling in love fantasy of mine.

And yes! Two nights ago, i had this dream about him. It was a bad dream. To cut the whole long story short, i dreamt that he hurt me again. The feelings that i experienced in that dream were so real, the familiar 'stab in the heart' feeling and the tears that i cried in the dream. It was very emotional, and the whole point is that it was a reminescence of the past. This dream reminded me how it was like to be hurt, the feelings that i experienced last time became familiar to me again. And i can say that i definitely do not want to feel these horrible emotions any time soon, they're just so unpleasant. And when i woke up the next morning, the familiarity of those emotions are still there, even now as i'm typing this, i can still feel it.

I'm glad i had this dream because it gave me something to really think about, like whether do i want to experience them again, and whether what i'm doing now is worth it. I also believe that God gave me this dream for a very good reason. And today confirmed this belief even more asi was at Trumpet Praise and i came across this book about dream interpretations, and what God is trying to tell you in them. In the section on 'Past Relationships' , it says that having these dreams indicate that i'm tempted to fall back into old patterns and ways of thinking. and it is also a warning from God not to relapse into old habits and mindsets that were not profitable. When i read that, i was like 'OHMYGOSH! thats so true!' and i could really really sense that God was working and his plan for me was to kinda like stay away from him. Not that he's bad or what, but its probably best that way.

And having the conversation with Nic last night also helped. She definitely brought me to my senses too, by reminding me not to play with fire and not being so naive. Thanks girl! Even though after i talked to her, i still talked with him. But i'm glad that happened because this time our convo was different. It was just plain friend-ly and I felt weird after we hung up. Like kinda stupid, but THAT brought me to my senses as i realised it should stay that way.

My plan and promise this year is to develop a more intimate relationship with Him and really grow. I've also decided that i'm never letting any relationship that i'll have, be it friends or guys, sway and break my relationship with Him. Unlike what happened last year. But i've got no regrets because many memories were made and trials that had happened made me learn alot too. So i totally thank God for answering my prayer on leaving this whole matter in His hands and revealing to me what should be done.

I don't think a friendship with him is worth growing either because many times i've taken the initiative to try to get him to open up and talk about things. But its like he tells me he doesn't know what to say/he can't remember, and it gets boring. Like 'no creative juices ah!' Like he doens't really talk man! ohmygoodness. now i'm convinced that i should just not care about him anymore. wasting my time. that sounds mean, but thats how i really feel, because i have been wasting my time waiting for him anyway.

Oh man, this is super de duper personal. But never mind, I don't think he'll ever read this anyway!

HELLO HELLO! its been liek so long since i last blogged. because so many things were going on, like intensive rehearsals for countown party and all.

but thats over already. so now i'm pretty free. well actually, VERY free!
and thats not all. looks like my fantasy about holiday flings are coming true. HAHA.

welllllllllll. its actually you again! as in you know who, who else can it be!
i wonder/hope thigns between us go well.
why can't i ever let go?
i think its because we never really ended it in the first place?

okayokay. all i need to do now is to guard my heart.
hurt, disappointment , pain , i don't want you to come back .

but its so difficult, when you just find yourself genuinely caring for that person again.
sigh. what am i going to do.

anyway i suddenly have the urge to go shopping in town. haha.

and also i've been having insomnia every night lately. last night i couldn't sleep so i went to eat till a full stomach before sleeping. i figured it prolly will work to help you sleep better?

tonight, i'm thinking , if i can't sleep , i'm gonna take a walk downstairs! haha. too bad i'll be alone, it'll be so much more fun if someone were to join me! (: