whoohoo. the last two days was spent 'working' in shangri la with chrislyn, mich, and jiajun. its all part of this television event thing that requires alot of people to act as though this event is really popular i think? so yeah all we've done for the past two days, 5 hours each is slacking at the really nice hotel lounge, ordering drinks and food, which are all fully claimable. ahahha not bad, and yeah , we're paid to do that.

and today we ordered some nice alcoholic drinks like sex on the beach , which i think is by far my favorite (: and this white chocolate martini thing which was really weird and a couple of others too. anyway all the f&b are seriously overpriced, esp the ordinary sandwiches we ordered yesterday which cost 36bucks!

oh yes, and yesterday after our hotel stint, me mich and jj ate at subway where we were laughing hysterically at jj's hilarious antics ohmg! we even made this bet for bowling, liek me and mich's scores combined to see if we can beat jj to it! and if WE WIN, he'll have to wear a This Fashion dress and parade around orchard singing to the theme song of powerpuff girls! and apparently he does it quite well HAHA. as for us, if we lose, we'll hav to get into recyling bins and act like those chinese cat figures whose paw goes up and down with our tongue sticking out. with a sign over our heads that reads 'I am a cute doggie' . obviously a species mix up!

but now, there prolly won't have this competition anyway. it all started with jj telling me irritating ghost stories that made me get scared while doing our surveying later at night. and when i was leaving first to the bus stop (late at night!), he shouted away 'BEWARE OF THE CLOWN!' wth, i was so pissed! which ended up he and mich having a huge quarrel, so now i don't know how.

ohwellls. DANCE TODAY! oh wait i mean just now, as in like thursday night (:

we learnt the opening dance for countdown party. Alive and Hurricane. well it was quite okay. i'm glad i did better this time round, so i felt. but i still feel so inadequete because i don't even have proper dance training! so tmr i'm going for salsa classes with together with mich and chrislyn and her cousin. and when i get back from korea i'm going straight to Amore to take up their dance package there! don't care !

and and i've to stop working soon. apparantly parents are not happy with this job that makes my prime time at night. sigh, but for now, its more and more cash collecting! (:

You know what, feelings are coming back again. Not those type of romantic feelings, but the hurt is. I just keep thinking about everything and when I read back on my previous posts, it just reminds me of those happy and super sweet memories that I wish I could turn back time and go through it again. And those horrible ones where I experienced so much pain and confusion, which makes me detest that person. So its like I'm having mixed feelings again. And i don't know what to do. Part of me longs for things to stay the same way, but reality is it prolly will for about a week? Then he'll go back to his old ways. Well, thats exactly what happened. Bittersweet. Part of me doesn't want to let go, but if I don't, how will I ever move on. I really need alot of determination and encouragement I think. Meeting new people is an option, but not a very good idea because it'll be like a substituition method and deep inside I prolly haven't let go yet, and in future I'll prolly be dependant on this , which really isn't good at all. Because now all I need is to be dependant on God.

Yeah anywayy, yesterday the three of us went back to international plaza to hand in our surveys. And there was this little confict that made us part our ways. So its just me and mich and him doing it alone. Well fiiinnee, we'll show who's the more efficient one. Because apparantly , somebody can't stand our perpetual lateness and 'irresponsibility'. So after planning our whole route, off we went to east meadows and completed all the surveys successfully! Then walked to the blocks of flats opposite our houses to complete a few others and we met a few very disgusting creatures on the way! Anyway alot of walking was done, but its good because we're burning all those excess calories from burgerking! All in all, we completed 13 surveys in 3 hours! HAHA thats 84 bucks each! YAY!

Oh yeah, today after dance went to parkway and ate at this so called Parkway Thai restaurant with Chrislyn. We indulged in the buffet spread! Which is actually very Singaporean in fact, with the usual fried rice, beehoon, chicken wings. It wasn't even Thai at all man! Where was the tomyam and olive rice and phadthai! Felt abit cheated, but it was quite cheap so I guess its okay. And we ate ALOT, felt super bloated after that haha but I love food so who cares! OH WAIT, have to exercise too! Yeah walked around for awhile and she showed me super cool card tricks ! Felt so sleepy after eating so much my gosh but at least we had a good time . (:

Tomorrow I'm doing church choir for service again! Sigh this really brings back memories especially on Thursday. Because I remember earlier this year, when my tribe did the choir, it was because of it that we started to being close. Just that this time, he isn't here to be in it. Thats why I wish like I could turn back time , to go through it again. Its always at the beginning when everything is the sweetest and the most mood-lifting which makes you just wanna skip around and go lalalala. Sigh but reality strikes again, that'll NEVER happen. So I wonder how tomorrow will be, hope nothing will happen that'll trigger of memories of the past.

I feel really enlightened now, as if there's a new hope in my heart and all that down-ness and sadness are beginning to disappear. Well its actually because today there was dance rehearsal and throughout I just couldn't seem to do it well , like I feel so drained and out of energy, like as if there wasn't any spark and enthusiasm to keep me going. And also many other unfortunate events happened so as a result I ended up feeling really shit after the practice right until now. I felt as though I couldn't make it, couldn't dance it, and really pressurized too.

Until just now when i began searching for the lyrics for 'I Believe' , the song we're dancing to, then I started to realise that ohmg, this song says it all, and its about believing I can and not giving up and holding my head up high. Such irony right, that I was dancing to this song and I felt that I couldn't make it. But now, after reading those lyrics, I'm starting to feel really determined to just go all out and practise as hard as I can for this dance, because its going to be for God! So here are the lyrics!

Yolanda Adams
I Believe

They said you wouldn't make it so far a a
And ever since they've said it its been hard
But never mind that night'cha had to cry
Cause you had never let it go inside
You worked real hard and you know exactly what you want and need so believe
And you can never give up
You can reach your goals
Just talk to your soul and say

[Chorus:]
I believe i can
I believe i will
I believe i know my dreams are real
I believe i can
I believe i will
I believe i hold it soon man
That is what i do believe

Your fools are justes singing, your soul aha
And you know that your moves will let them show
You keep creating pictures in your mind
So just believe they will come true in time
It will be fine leave all of your kiss and stress behind and
Just let it go
Let the music go inside again the pain
It just start to believe

[Chorus]
[Rap passage]

At third my yet what people say
Hold your head high and turn away
With all my hopes and dreams I will believe
Even though it seems it's not for me
I won't give up, i'll keep it up
Looking to the sky
I will achieve on my knees
I will always believe

[2x chorus]

yesterday and today was job training/job interviews at business hotspots with mich and jj. went for some telemarketing job training thing at raffles place yesterday for sph mags. and gosh i felt like i was in school okay! with script writing and had some role-playing too which reminded me alot about drama cca. stayed there for about 6plus hours then we went to tanjong pagar to enquire about the survey job. but they told us to come back tmr. then went for dinner with family at swensons, was so darn tired.

and today we went back to tanjong pagar again. and looks like we had an added benefit of another job! we're appearing as an 'acting crowd' for some television programme i think (: sounds like a relatively easy and much more fun than sound desk bound job of calling people all day long! with quite a good pay too (: and yup so after the survey training too, its for the ida singapore on some technology thingy and we've all gotten our files and name tags. felt so professional! haha and the best part, working hours and days are so flexible, you can work anytime you like!

gosh you know what, i don't think i'm gonna give up my beloved NUM bag! after all , i did deserve it!

OHMYGOSH! i haven't blogged for goodness knows how long ! well hello blogger i'm back ! so many things have happened i don't know where to start! ah okay anyways lets start with after O's , yes its finally over ! and ever since then last week has been going out to town and all looking for grad night stuff. and i finally dyed my hair on tuesday before heading to attica at night ! but it was dumb cos we didn't get in again after eating thanks to some fight. argh but definitely more clubbing to come ! then i finally got my new nokia phone on wednesday (; thursday was grad night stuff again before heading back to dance in church ! and now we're already rehearsing for countdown party! dancing to this song called 'I believe' in the movie Honey! then Friday did nails and hair with Mich before Grad Night. well it wasn't that bad except the hall looked liked the hall. and after that some band came to play and we were all dancing crazily around the hall and going high together! haha. then after the whole thing , went to haagan daz with sa and tiff. what a night (:

saturday had dance again in the morning, then went job hunting in town with chrislyn and meixiu. and we were just reminiscing about the past like how we were just rehearsing for countdown party last year, and now we're rehearsing it again! and how time just flies.

ah and well today. church. the message was on forgiveness and it really struck me. and i went out for minstry. i needed to forgive that person for what happened recently and probably to let go of past hurts and forgive him on that. i broke down quite alot and also shared my whole experience with rachel. and well after sharing everything with her , turns out that this whole issue is gonna get quite messy too. he'll probably be real mad at me as well, but i really hope everything will end well. and we'll all learn form this, especially him .