yesterday was church day. well its both a mixture of good and bad . but it was mostly saddening and bad . ok so i was supposed to dance for service today . but due to a particular last min reason i didnt . so there were only 3 dancers today dancing fro service, rachel, rachel and cynthia. argh now i feel damn guilty . but anyways met adrina at aroung 1 plus at hall 9 and we went to buy potato salad and cheese fries . we had this crazy idea to bring the food in during service and eat it ! hahs . so yeah went in at first , didnt wanna sit with cell grp so went to some other unknown place behind den we ran ALLL the way infront for worship . den when i saw the 3 of them dancin , esp rachel who was stuck in the moddle with so little space to dance , i felt so bad for her . hais , cos actua,lly samantha called me to asked me why i wasnt dancin thanks to adrina den she was like next time cannot tell us last min cos we're short of dancers . ohh yeah yeah , but trell me if there were many dancers dancin today , would i have made a differnece ? maybe they wouldnt even care if i was there or not , i dunno larhs . i feel so pissed with everyth . anyway todays service was very differnt from the rest . ps khong preached for like 15 mins den had this repenting session . that i felt was really really good cos alot of ppl went up to the alter and repented before God and cried alot too , and many of them were set free from all their bondages.

but unfortunately i wasnt one of them , i had been SO STUPID to concentrate on eating the food we brought in with adrina . and we even went to the toil;et to eat CHICKEN RICE and CHOCOLATES. how dumb is that ? how could i have been so dumb and foolish ? then in the end what did i get from going to church yesterday ? NOTHIING ! then , whats the point of going to church ? isit just someth that i can dress up for and meet people ? NO i'm supposed to go there to receive someth from God so that i can live my life with His guidance . so i missed the whole repenting part . and how i regret it so so much . if only i could turn back time or if someth like that could happen again . but how often does this type of thing happen ? and the worst part is. i'm the one with the tons of burdens to repent in my heart. i'm the one who needs to get right with God agian . i'm the one who has all the problems that i need God to help me with cos i'm not handling them very well . but i missed trhis Big chance . i was so stupid. but i noe that if i was sittin next to the dancers all these would not have happened . i feel so wasted . so dumb. so now i'm just like so fed up with everyth already and my whole cell group !

anyways after service we had cell group, we watched a little bit of mean girls on shawnie's laptop before it conked out. den while shawnie was leading cell, i could sense that the atmosphere was like really negative , like everyone felt it was a chore to attend cell. so when she asked us questions and all, we all didnt reply her and just kept quiet . then i think by that time she could sense what all of us were feeling , so she asked ushow do we feel bout this cell?so obviously for me , sha and adrina we werent happy bout it. but for susie and nicole i dunno.so the 3 of us were kinda discussing like whether we should tell shawnie the truth like we dont like to be in huimin's tribe cos we cant commmunicate with all our 'aunties' as they're so much older than us . and how we miss pea's side where we could communicate better with the rest and all the fun things we had last time. like all the house parties , movie marathons and tribe outings ! but now everyth has changed ! we've NEVER had a single movie marathon at daniel hall ! which i KNOW all of us missed alot ! and i dont thonk we'll even have one too! anyway after that, shawnie went to talk to huimin and i think that she was very upset cos she looked like she was crying ! well all of us were seriously quite guilty and sad as well but yeah . den while she left us alone , the 5 of us were talking and i could actually feel that we were sorta 'bonding' as a cell over this matter . ohh wells so surprising. anyways aftyer the whole thing me, sha and adrina waited for shawnie at the carpark den she drove us to rachel chew's house with pastor debra as well ! for rachel's farewell dinner, as she'll be flying off to england for her studies !
anyways when we went there , it was kinda cool cos everyone in our old tribe was there too, o could feel thast sense of familarity (: yeah then we were all eating this very very delish chocolate fondue thing ! omg heavenly . yum . ohh yeah then we saw raph and ben too ! sha must be like so happy or someth man . HAHAHS . wells. after all the eating and playing games, pastor debra talked to the 3 of us and bout the whole shawnie thing then i was kinda upset cos i just feel that suddenly this church is so strict . this cannot that cannot . den how will i grow when i'm not happy in a cell ? ok whatever cant be bothered to talk bout it anymore but i was just quite upset the whole evening after that . anyways . i really feel for shawnie. its defintely NOT her fault and all cos i noe she's alwayts trying her best to get to noe us all better . and i kinda feel bad that we were so straightforward in our remarks towards how we feel bout the cell group just now. but its okay alr cos talked to shawnie and all . well then pea dropped me tiffy sha and adrina off at their house to wait for my parents to come fetch us . so we were in sha's hello kitty room talking bout all the stuffs . ohh wells we'll never noe this then until next week sunday . toodles

the pic we took at rachel's house ! gosh . me and adrina look like we're in the centre of attention . so paiSEH !