today morning had maths tuition at 10am. and again my teacher came 10 mins early. argh. i could do so many things in 10mins okays. yeahh so i didnt care just let her wait till i'm done. i mean my lesson's at 10 not 9.50am. so yeahh. den when i got to the room. i heard the house fone ring from outside. den mom picked it up. den she was like "hhhhuuuhhh???" into the phone. when she said that i sorta had a premonition that it was one of my relatives, calling to say that the worst had happened. cos i remember it was also like that when my great grandma passed away. den after she hung up. i culd hear mom and dad like discussing something like 'father just passed away...' , 'at 9.45am....', ' the hospital called...' the moment i heard that i felt soooo... like ' how could this happen??' kinda feeling. therefore i so couldnt concentrate during tuition. i almost wanted to tell my tuition teacher that 'my grandfather just passed away'. but i didnt lar. so as i was not concentrating on tuition, i kept trying to hear wad mom and dad were talking bout. turns out that aunt kitjing called. and dad is going away later in the afternoon back to malacca with uncle thomas to discuss the funeral arrangements with my grandma. and now we're all hoping that my grandma would change her mind to have a christian only funeral. now she wants to have both a chinese and christian one. as my grandfather was like very well known as a buddhist in the Tan clan. or something like tat. so its like those other relatives of my grandparents who will be attending the funeral are buddhist and my grandma feels it would be weird for them if they attend a christian funeral. cos they have yet to noe that my grandparents just accepted christ! so now we're all praying hard she would change her mind. cos we shouldnt be pleasing man, but God ((:
yeahh so after tuition. mom put her arm around me and gave me that look. but i alr knew wad she was gonna say so i was like ' i noe'. den she told me that we'll prob be going back to malacca around friday and the funeral will be this weekend. den they told me i gotta cancel my church camp!!! argh. i was so excited bout it and now. all my hopes and wonderful crazy plans are ruined!! so wrong timing lar. argh. but i guess family matters are more important. i'm still trying to accept it now. arghh. but still i'm gonna let like adrina and sha they all down! cos we planned so much already!! oh wells. what to do. but even though i feel kinda sad and everything especially for my grandpa's death. my parents wern't like crying or anything. guess they kinda expected it. but stilll. i feel so upset now. even though i cant cry. but mom says that ah gong died without any pain. which is a miracle. cos usually cancer patients die with like a lot of pain. anyways thats good. God took him home without any pain. he's prob like in heaven now or something. but todays like 06/06/06. do you think it has anything to do with it?? oh whatever. i'm talking rubbish. so superstitious for what? hahs . i miss my grandfather. i think i'm gonna cry lots when i go back this weekend. haiz. everyone will anyways.

actually there's drama today at 1pm. so me and lianne were trying to decide whether to go or not. wells both of us are seriously superly undecisive. hahs . thats bad. cos when it comes to shopping. i take a damn long time to decide whether i want this one or the other one. so after so long of listing out all the consequences and everything. we came to a conclusion (: hahhs. that is to not go. tahts why i can sit here in front of the com blogging this. ok thats so whatever. but still, i feel really really bad for lying. its still bugging me. but to the person: i'm superly sorry !! but i just had no choice. and dont worry. we all still love you ! hahas. ok that was so whatever too. but thats true ((: so this is it den. loves to everyone out there !