hello world ! oh yeah yesterday in the end i went to mich's house in the afternoon and we actually did some homework ! emaths ! but then thats not really important unlike ss or history with the gazillion essays i gotta rewrite . argh . then we watched a bit of our FAVOURITE SCENES in STEP UP ! and then watched JOHN TUCKER MUST DIE . love that show to bits and pieces (: and both shows have super ultra HOT guys in them . omg JOHN TUCKER <33333
hahas . then had to leave to go home and get ready for dance ! ! met adrina and her dad fetched us there . cos adrina had to go for some youthnet workers appreciation dinner or something like that at block 162 , so i followed her . HAHAHS so paiseh cos i'm not even WORKING there and i go there and eat the free food ! but anyways all of them were very nice . i didnt even know there was such an office ! with all the pastor's names on all their respective desks ! so cool (: but then now i'm thinking of joining and working there too ! chrislyn also wants too , so maybe we can all work there together ! then after went for DANCE ! ((:

we were late ! reached magic box at 8pm ! then we rehearsed for our item and got all our positionings ! and i really thank God for my position ! HAHS cos i like it (: then we went up to the audi for a combined rehearsal and it was really fun ! then after that went back down to magic box again and adrina told me that she'll be dancing for praise and worship too ! YAY (: then we discussed about our outfits and i'm so excited ! OH OH ! then suddenly when we were about to leave i realised that i lost my wallet ! ! but then in the end it was in adrina's car ! thank God but then i really felt quite touched when everyone was trying to help me find it and helping me recall where i last seened my wallet . like so heartwarming . anyways thank GOD that i didnt really lose it ! then adrina's parents fetched me home . HAHHAS . was laughing so much in the car about all the crazy jokes !~

reached home . then went on msn and there was like this crazy sec 1 guy who like added me so forced me to tell him who was i in my display pic , the one i took with meixiu and rachel ; then he said he knows magic and will guess my surname if i tell him which one am i . like wth cos he got it WRONG anyways ! then he was being so irritating cos he kept wanting meixiu's email and wanting me to add her in the convo . i mean she also doesnt wanna get to know some SMALL BOY ! then in the end i added her in the convo and he was like so freaking irritating and i kept calling him a SMALL BOY , so he started being damn vulgar and called me names and all . and then he added like 20 over ppl in the same convo . its like so WHATTHEHELL and immature la ! calling all his small litttle friends to back him up . argh and they were all equally rude and vulgar too la ! ARGH but who cares i blocked that dumb attention seeking idiot man ! anyways after that i stayed up until 4am to finish my dumb chinese tuition homework ! argh so irritating and tiring la !

then the next morning had chinese tuition . like what a BORE ! then after tution mich came over . we were supposed to homework and study but THEN , hahahs we spent the whole time talking about guy stuff and on the com as well . WOW this is how we study huh . HAHAS .

anyway plans for tmr are :

going to expo for the sale in the morning with mom , and prob mich as well .
afternoon gonna meet adrina and meixiu to search for our dance clothes and outfits for the bash !
and at night its DANCE TIME ((:

YESTERDAY

what a sad day . yeah right . maybe cos i didnt get what i wanted . anyways more of that later . was DANCING FOR SERVICE yesterday ! met meixiu and rachel at expo and the 3 of us decided to tie our hair in TWO PONYTAILS to dance ! ! hahas so we did and we took lots of pics too (: then cos we were spending so much time in the toilet , got a scolding from ps laifun . sigh . oh wells today we were all wearing JACKETS ! at first i was like really really scared i'll forget my steps or lose my balance or something , so prayed super ultra hard for God to give me strength and all , and he really did ! i'm so glad he empowered me to do my best for him . THANKS A MILLION GOD (: then after praise and worship me and meixiu went to the toilet to take off our two ponytails . cos we felt we really looked like xiao mei meis ! then today for sermon it was quite good then went for alter call . cos ps khong said about the depression part , like sometimes i'll just feel depressed and down for no reason and also like sometimes during even when the pastor preaches a really good message i won't feel anything .

then there was this really nice lady who prayed for me . gosh she was like the nicest person i've ever met . she was like really so caring and just made me feel God's love for me through her . then yeah after that went back to our seats and took photos with meixiu and rachel (: then went out with adrina . OH YEAH ! KERIN CAME BACK TODAY ! ! we saw her ! gosh i miss her sooo much ! its been ages since i saw her ! then the 3 of us were doing our 'thing' again ! me kerin and adrina . one-third of the toilet gang . SHA didnt come today . cos the lucky girl's going off to shanghai . HAHAHS ! it was just like the old times man . i seriously miss those times so so so much ! even though like what we always do is like so embarrassing at times , but its always great FUN !

then after kerin left , me and adrina went to buy food while the rest of our tribe went to play captains ball .BLEAH i dont like that game . i mean even in school , i was part of the slackers/cheerleaders . HAHA . then yeah i SPILLED MASH POTATO ON MYSELF ! argh . SO UNGLAM LA ! then after talking to some people , me and adrina finally went to find them . then back to hall 9 and the AIRCON to play this POLAR BEAR GAME . actually today didnt have cell group . i guess this combined cell game-playing thing is considered as it is . anyways . yeah after cell ended , me and adrina cam-whored at in hall 9 with our shades ! shall post the pics soon (:

then went home and got ready to go out for dinner with my family . went to eat SWENSENS at suntec city . what a nice dinner ((: then like i was like feeling so down cos of something . but i shall just forget about that . anyways went home and SHA called me . she was at the airport then . i feel bad about it . but after confessing everything yesterday at alter call , i think i shall change .


but then again about that SOMETHING . i wonder if i've made a fool of myself by it . i mean its like . . whatever laa i think i shall just forget about it .

me rachel and meixiu in hall 10

blow me a kiss

TWO PONYTAILS ! (: the retroness ! dirty little secret we won't tell
_

smile smile ((:

__________________________________________________________________
anyways later after PIANO , going over to michelle's to watch john tucker must die and seriously TRY to get some homework done. i'm getting worried . cos i'm going away this FRIDAY !

HAHAS GUESS WHAT ? ! thanks to nic who saw the blue hair dye at east point . i went to get it . but in the end . i was scared of the blue outcome . so now i've bought reddish purple . but then when mom came back , she scolded me for buying this chapalang brand of hair dye . says it'll spoil my hair . ohh wells . how i know , it was the only brand that sells blue , and all the crazy colours . so then since i cared so much of my dear crowning glory , i only dyed streaks on my fringe and some parts of my hair . now come to think of it . i'm so dumb . dye my hair for what ? it already looks dyed ! HAHAHA ! oh wells . its nice for a change . anyways asked mom already . she's okay with me dyeing/highlighting it after the big O's next year . ARGH . next year . maybe i SHALL dye a crazy colour. like , STREAKS OF PINK ! OR BLUE ! OR PURPLE ! hahas yeah .

wondering why i'm up so early right ? just came back from meeting the VP just now . looks like i've made my decision . i'm gonna drop physics and take only chem and bio . HAHAS ONE LESS SPA ! i suck at pracs anyway . then now i shall taalk about YESTERDAY ! okay in the morning , went for SIP . was late but it was like so boring lar . so then went off at lunch break . supposed to meet parents but then met sha instead . then walked to parkway and took a cab down to raffles city ! we planned to spend our time with our two MOST FAVOURITE GUYS ! ((: hahas . so then went to their shop at the basement , and we had icecream at their shop ! i ordered oatmeal cookie chunk . mmhm yum . then sat there and gossiped and talked for awhile . too bad our two favourite guys , BEN AND JERRY couldnt join us . HAHA WHATEVER MAN ! then took some pics ! after that walked around for awhile . then met sha's mom . we went to the soup spoon to eat . love their soups ! then after that i had to leave so sha went with her mom and i trained and took a bus back to parkway . only to find out that I HAD TO GO HOME MYSELF FROM THERE AGAIN ! parents not fetching ): bleah then i should just have took the train all the way home lar !

anyways after that . prepared to go for touchdance (: yay dad sent me there . then met meixiu for dinner . was damn tired and sleepy then lar . so today was service rehearsal . practised our steps and all . but i just somehow feel today i danced like so nuahh like that . no energy . then during worship they played at the cross and beautiful saviour . hahas i seriously felt like sleeping cos those two songs are my 'sleeping songs' , like i listen to them when i go to bed ! luckily nothing embarrasing happened to me , like i dozed off until i fall down the to the floor . okay whatever !

then yeah after dance me and meixiu followed ps roland and ps laifun together with candy casey and hui hui to macs to like sit down with them and eat . OMG ps roland is like so so funny ! cos bukit merah there , there's always this old ah ma and ah pei band , with them playing the DRUMS , GUITAR , ETC . then suddenly ps roland started dancing to the chacha in front of everyone ! and we were all laughing at him ! even some of the ah mas were laughing too ! hahahs . he's so funny la ! then like went to macs and waited till dad came again . anyways . someth made me quite upset yesterday . but obviously like i cant say it here ! i mean its like , isnt she supposed to be a good example to all of us ? then why is she treating me this way , or maybe some of us this way ? i just don't understand . well ,thats it .

now i shal seriously go get some SLEEP , freakin tired la . then i shall go swimming . its a 2-in-1 benefit (: lose weight and get tan . hahs .

THE DARLINGS . BEN AND JERRY 'S (:

i felt like i was in love at first . apparently that never happened . now i feel like i hate ____ . FLIRT !

YESTERDAY , TODAY AND TOMORROW I'LL BE HAVING SOME SIP THING BY MY TRIBE AT DANIEL HALL THERE . so anyways what happened the past few days .

MONDAY - went to sha's house to make strawberry smoothies for ourselves and *someone . HAHAAS it was so fun . then yeah hanged out in her room and talked talked and acted crazy . then went home had piano then mich came to exercise . but in the end we uZapped did FACIALS ! and talked about all that has happened . at night talked to sha on the phone again too .

overload ! so much for our culinary skills !

TUESDAY - went for SIP in the morning it started at 10 am . so was supposed to meet shawnie for breakfast , but was late . then in the end today only 6 people came . so then we played games in daniel hall . we played hide and seek and catching IN THE DARK ! and I was the hide and seek finder lar ! omg it was so scary kays cos all was quiet and sooo dark ! then cos they had curtains in daniel hall then i was so afraid to open the curtains cos i kept thinking about the little blue boy from THE GRUDGE ! so scray but in the end , all went well . played quite a lot of lame games then went for lunch at parkway and headed back for a session on significance . okay learnt a lot bout myself la . the adrina suddenly came halfway . so she joined us . then after huimin gave us this letter from God . its like actually a compilation of bible verses but it sounded like God was speaking to us . and it was really really sweet and touching . the sweetest letter anyone ever wrote me , its like you can cry when you read it !

then after that was supposed to go for touchdance at night . then adrina wanted to come so waited for her then we went back to my house to get ready and talked and ate then we set off . met meixiu on the bus from tiong bahru and we were like super late . but thank god no pastor was there or else we’d be so dead . then today we learned the steps for the new year bash ! its sooo nice . and love the hip hop part . so hip-hopish ! anyways the night ended well . and adrina meixiu and i got really crazy in the cab that the uncle was like so irritated with us . but HAHAS . that’s us ! at night talked to sha on the phone again and i finally heard the convo .OMG . and it was sweet . we've been talking alot lately . supposed to have a sleepover on friday too !


TODAY – had SIP again in the morning . was supposed to there at 9 am kays ! but then dad fetched me and sha there , to east coast park today . and reached ard 10 plus . today was mostly games . we were supposed to do devotion at macs . but then me and sha ended up talking about *ahems and told her about my oh-so-wonderful-and-sweet dream last night ! but of course we did read the devotion thing ! then went back to the shelter thing there . today MORE people came ! then we had worship with the guitar too and played this game until . then thank God for shawnie and huimin with their cars so we drove back to TC there . had lunch at octopus . saw quite a lot of people there la ! like soooo unexpected ! then after lunch it was game playing time . first we had some newpaper flipping thing , then some mind game stepping on the black tiles game and the last one was the all get wet game ! so yeah well something happened . so i was like not very happy about it . but then after talking to shawnie bout it , i realized that it had got a lot to do with yesterday’s thing about significance and all the different traps that we fall under . anyways i realized a lot of good things from shawnie so after that i just decided to forget it and realize that i am me , and not anyone else . then after everything , went home by myself . tmr there’s SIP again and DANCE ! ! yay it just makes my day to be able to go for dance (: anyways ohh yeah yesterday , i found out something from someone . and i’m extremely disappointed with that person so now i desperately want to password protect my blog . ARGH , NOW ! !

heyyys . just came back from church today was a long day as well . anyways today brought mich to church . came to my house before that and got ready then her dad fetched us there . was super super late ! but luckily doors just opened ! anyways before going in , met her friend . this johnathan guy from city harvest . so yeah went in for worship then yeah ADRINA came for service today too . havent seen her in a LONG LONG TIME ! HAHA went infront to jump together with mich . today sermon was okay quite boring at first . then like there was this TOTAL DISTRACTION can ! argh so angry with him ! RUINED EVERTHING ! then yeah lar . ruined everything so mich didnt stay for cell .anyways had fun . i hope mich felt comfortable with us though . then in the end for cell , we combined with debbie's girls + boy and we played captains ball ! hahahs quite fun lar at least i can catch ball okay ! that sounds wrong . WHATEVER LAR . then after that we ended quite late actually . 6pm so then we decided to go for dinner . then while we finally decided to go changi airport macs together with shawnie sha fiona glory and shiyang . so then while waiting at the foyer there , saw lester and his mohawk hair . look like rooster lehh . HAHAS . anyway then while walking to the station again , saw that johnathan guy again . mich was still in expo at that time talking to the other guy so yeah then he wanted to join us . was a bit apprehensive . but then anyways . he went to find mich . gosh i'm kinda worried for her . cos so many things are happening and all . anyways went to macs . we ate and talked and laughed alot too ! i guess things are okay on church's side . but on school side . like friends and all , things are DEFINITELY NOT OKAY ~ then yeah talked bout SIP thingy next week and all the upcoming events . and yeah ONE DAY I WANNA GO AIRPORT AND PLAY HIDE-AND-SEEK ! cos i know its gonna be damn fun and crazy if we do ! HAHAS then took a train home . then i told shawnie how i totally feel that its so difficult for me and all ,. ABOUT EVERYTHING . everything thats happening . why is it so difficult and confusing ? OH WELLS . anyways i'm lost for words . reached home at 8 + (:

yayness . dad bought me a 512mb memory stick for my phone ! hahas yay more songs and more photos (: anyways i've tried this comment thingy . but the thing is i want the comments to be viewed in a pop up page ! not together with my post ! it'll ruin it . argh . how am i supposed to do that ? anyways . had a long talk with sha last night . just catching up with each other . until my mom came along and ruined it . see . thats why i need to password protect my blog too . but i've spent the whole afternoon trying to do that . but each time i try pasting some html code in my template , it doesnt work out ! its still the same . gosh i know nothing bout these html stuff . so cheem ):

' hold me never let me go change me i want the world to know you are living me God i know you'll never let me go '

whee ~ this is the chorus from the song never let me go by planetshakers ! yesterday at dance we learned the steps for this song ! yeeaah . hahas . and next tuesday we are going to learn JUMP AROUND ! yeahh that really cool hiphop-ish song ! yayayayay . anyways yeah schedule is kinda packed for dance ! rehearsals 2 times a week now . but i like ! ((: hahas . dad is coming back later . tatas *

((: i've been going to the airport very frequently nowadays . and i love it there ! hahas well i meanwhen you see all these people carrying their luggage , checkin in . makes me feel so holidayish ! like i cant wait to take the airplane and set off ! anyways went to the airport last night , or rather very early morning to pick my grandma and aunt up . while waiting me and mom had coffee and a carrot cake . i think its super niiicee and relaxing to do that , just chilling out in the middle of the night on comfy plush arm chairs (: hahahs . anyways by the time we reached home was like 1plus am . then we were all talking about shenzhen and its shopping ! cos they too came from there . wow i tell you when i saw all the things they bought , its like sooooo cheap lah ! compared to sing . and they were telling us about all the different shopping places too ! gosh now i really really cant waaiiitt ! ! and to see the windows of the world place and to go to HONG KONG DISNEYLAND too ! ! HAHAHS i cant control my excitement , i really cannot wait to leave singapore =D

GRAHH . don’t you hate it when someone posts an ugly picture of you in , lets say those public profiles , photo sharing sites , msn , etc . well not exactly ugly UGLY . but definitely UNFLATTERING ! like lets say , you look fat in the photo , or your smile’s gone all weird . AND the worst part is the person who posts that photo , with your very unflattering face in it as well , looks extremely nice and pretty . DON’T YOU ALL CANT STAND IT ?! don’t these people have a sense of decency or RESPECT for their poor friend who looks oh-so-bleah-ish in the photo ? don’t they ever think how that person would feel ? with that photo having the possibility of being viewed by hundreds of people ? NO THEY DON’T ; they only want the honour of having their pretty face shown to the world . i seriously applaud these people and their wonderful behavior . i have no idea why I’m being so sarcastic here . but whatever lah . yeah well , thats exactly what happened to me ! and i am UBER PISSED OFF !

anyways I have a new favourite show (: THE TYRA BANKS SHOW ! its really nice and i love yesterday’s episode about skin . hahas i shall go buy some Vaseline soon !

today had drama at 1 . argh so boring . went there and it was just games games games . argh what a waste of time . but never mind . its all for the points points points . anyways . must remember , signed up to help to usher for some jack and the beanstalk play on the 6th dec . for cip points . if not , i cant be bothered . hahas .

anyways . my mom brought up that freakin subject again . she was like ' my friend says that she's gonna show me the pictures on the internet ' argh sorry but ***** her friend . HAAHAHA ! TOO BAD BUT I'VE DELETED EVERY SINGLE EVIDENCE OF PHOTOS ! unless .. the person went to SAVE my photos on her computer ! well then that would be obviously STALKING ! and it would be SO DETESTABLE ! argh . cant she see that i'm trying to be good ?! whatever it is , as long as i dont hear anything bout his irritating topic , everything will be just fine and i wont be angry (:

church day (: hahas anyway last night i finally talked to adrina (: everything went fine . thank god . hahas hope she comes for service soon ! we all miss her loads ! ! so yeah today the usual , met meixiu at tanahmerah , went expo , did makeup and hair together and then practised and rehearsed steps and warm ups . today there were only 6 floorers , including me . but i think today was quite special . everything seemed so harmonious and we were all getting along (: so yeah went in to hall 10 . practised a bit . then praise started , sigh the jesus loves me this i know song , not alot of people were very enthu lehh . thurs was more fun . hahas . then came open up the gates . then i was like okay okay i can do it . i will not lose my balance . then suddenly ! i saw my cell people infront , with some other tribe people too ! then i was like , ohnoooo . then they were all like smiling at me . then i felt so awkward and nervous ! ! i mean dont you think its much easier to dance in front of a crowd whom you dont know anyone ? rather than when everyone you know is infront of you and you had to live up to their expectations . yeah lar . than i like made sooo many mistakes and all , it was like so shit man . and i was so upset and angry . shouldnt have told them that i'm dancing today ! then when i'm not , nobody wants to go infront for worship . whatthehell . then the whole time i was so bothered by it that i couldnt even worship the lord properly . spoil my entire day !

so then today for sermon , it was very different . ps khong 's doing a whole new series of sermons about the holy spirit . so today , for alter call , it was for people who not yet received the gift of tongues . so it was extremely wonderful to see the holy spirit at work . it was a very meaningful sunday . i mean for the sermon only . then after everyth ended supposed to go find my cell group argh . i was still pissed man . esp with her and her big mouth . in the end i couldnt focus and do my best for god . so yeah i went to find them feeling extremely pissed . then they acted like nothing wrong like that . so yeah i think they could sense it . then we had cell . i had no mood for it at all man . somemore we had to share stuff . NO MOOD FOR THAT . then it was like my turn . i felt so freakin reluctant . then in the end , i couldnt take it so i burst out asking them why today of all days why they must come infront . then i was like i made so many mistakes lar all cos of them coming infront . then they were like really ? they actually didnt notice any ! okay then luckily . but they said i was good and i improved (: hahas .

then after that we had to share what we wanna do during the hols . so i said i wanna go for dance classes at studio wu . then tiffy said she wanna learn BALLROOM DANCING ! ! hahas . then the rest of them also were quite enthu bout the dancing . and all of them wanted to go too . so maybe we can go for dance classes as a cell group ! ! hahas . then yeah sha and tiffy left . so then shawnie asked me more about how i felt about the todays dance thing . so i said yeah i was quite irritated and shared with her how i felt . i'm glad i have a cell leader like her , at least she understands and even suggests that they dont go all the way right infront of me next time . but of course i gotta overcome this . slowly . i know i can . it just takes time . ohh yeah then also talked bout my studies thing and told her how i felt . and yeah shawnie gave real good advice , i mean its great to have someone who already experience these things then its just like , so much better !

after we went to the food fair at expo ! hahs me and nicole kinda like took every sample at every opportunity . hahahs . hungry what . didnt eat lunch . but then we all felt kinda bad after that ! hahs . so then we went to find shawnie's sisters at the coffee bean near hall 3 there . its upstairs and its super nice the place with full glass windows and carpeted floors . then like all the seats are beside the windows so its super nice ! shall go study there next time ! (: so then shawnie and her sisters were talking about matchmaking stuff and guys in the church . omg hahas its like when i hear them talk and all , i'm just imagining how it'll be like next time in 10 years . like me and my cell mates . like whether we'll be like them talking about stuff . and just how it'll be like . hahs . and predict who gets married first ! cos shawnie told me thats what they did when they were our age . hahs so cool . then went home by bus . reached home quite late today about 7 + . what a long day .

anyways mummy came back ! hahahas she bought lots of stuff from shenzhen . and i tell you its GREAT shopping there with extremely jaw-dropping bargains ! but i shant say more . cos i'm going there to get christmas presents ! !(: i cant stand it lar . everyth is super cheap compared to singapore ! hahs . anyways she bought me pumps , a bag , winter stuff for our holiday , two skirts , accessories . hahas (: so happy . and they all dont cost much too ! cant wait for holiday ~

just came back from the wedding not too long ago ! it was held in TC , havent been there in a long time ! so well since i was getting late , decided to take a cab there . i mean , i wear so nice lehh , not fit for a bus ride . HAHAS whatever lah . then reached tc , it was rather crowded ! turns out that quite alot of people turned up , some from other networks , the rest from our own network . so i felt kinda lost cos NONE of my cell mates were there yet . sigh . so just walked around . saw shawnie at the reception and wrote in the guestbook . then saw some of my dance friends ! hahas . saw jiahui too , yay we are dancing tmr ! then sha and tiffy finally came . so just like queued up and all for the guestbook thingy and went inside the audi . then saw some really weirdly dressed people , the old polka dotted woman and the leopard skin girl ! gosh . i have to say this , but it was a disaster . if you see it , you'll DEFINATELY know what i mean . we sat quite infront (: then soon the ceromany began . first it was the walking down of the bride and there was also a string quartet playing those wedding songs ! then had a bit of worship in 3 different languages/dialects and then a word by ps william . and shawnie was right , he seriously is sooo gentle when he speaks during weddings ! hahas so funny (:

then after it was the vow taking thing . i think its just soooo sweet ! omg i cant stand it . i'm just thinkin that next time when i have a wedding , its gonna be just like that and everyth will be really sweet and beautiful ((: hahas so romantic ! i love weddings ! then they showed this photo slideshow and all . and followed by some thanksgiving then it was over . then everyone proceeded outside the foyer there to just eat , look at the pics . ohh yeah then there was this little game that they will hand out a piece of a puzzle of nigel and melissa's wedding photos to all the guests and let them fix it ! cos it means that we are all a part of their lives ! so sweet ! then we just hanged around , ate icecream ! and all .

then in the end took quite a no of pics , cleared up and me and nicole went to parkway to get her korean cd . talked about quite a few stuffs on the way home . anyways hope i'll be able to do it tonight ! GOD BLESS ME ! that everything will be okay between us !

today was okaayy . the school called ! hahas . they told me to come to meet the vp on the 23rd with mom . yay hahs spared me the inconvenience . so then went to bugis for a little while with auntie mag and sis to get auntie mag's things . argh it was so unfortunate . was actually so lazy to get out of the house . with the very hot hot sun . but then i the end went , it was so crowded . i hate it man . that means a higher chance of bumping into people . todays just not once of those days . so was kinda grumpy and all . anyways came home soon after . tmr's the wedding . i hope everth will go well . esp with my cell mates and all . sigh . oh wells shall go try on my outfit later .
DINNER TIME ~

i'm so sad to say that some people just dont get it . especially if these people were once close to you . they have come so far , yet they remain the same . sucked into the worldly possesions and the material life . leading a double life , and putting on a facade on sundays . they no longer feel the sense of belonging in the family , not sparing a thought for people who do love them . they put on a pretence as though they are the best and that they control the world and people around them in the palm of their hand . they act like total bitches , putting others down , thinkin that in this way , it could bring them up to a higher rank . they are manipulators , two-faced backstabbers . they are so involved in this sinful world that they can no longer see the light , the wonderful truth . BUT . they are going to be at the losing end at the end of the day . with nothing left . no amount of material possesions can satisfy the emptiness they feel . yet some know the truth ., but they still choose to let the world carry them away , enticing them with its sinful desires . i wish they would wake up and be who they once were . to be able to feel the JOY and be set FREE . that is the most wonderful feeling on earth . to know you are safe and secure in the saviour's hands . and so , i thank my mom again for showing me the truth . to be free from the darkness of this world .

heys just came back from touchdance (: came home all by MYSELF hahas yesyes ((: anyways shall talk about yesterday first . met lin at TM for a dessert lunch first then walked around there until nic came . then we took a train to somerset and went to the urban warehouse sale there and i bought a nice pink halter for only $3.90 ! hahas i've decided i'm gonna wear that to the wedding with a white skirt . then walked over to heeren . havent been there in a looonng time . so then we walked around saw some nice shops with pretty dresses (: then we went to cactus and pine and wanted to buy matching hair ties (: hahahs lin wanted this cute little minnie mouse lookalike ribbon one (; hahhs but in the end didnt get it . but we SHALL when school starts . so then walked over to cine where we went in and out of shops and went to blossomz . spent quite long there and nic and lin bought shorts . i think its quite nice lehh hahs i also want . but . . must save money . then they had promotion so there was this free racer back then nic gave it to me , thanks ! ((: then went downstairs to eat . then i realised certain things about myself from them , and yeah i will change ! ! cos you guys mean alot to me and we only have 1 year left with each other . . so yeah ! hahas .

so then we left for home , it'll be the last time we see each othere then cos we're all going for holiday at different times . . so sad no christmas shopping this year ! and found out lin is ALSO going to shenzhen and hongkong too ! hahahs same ! but different times though ): then at night after dinner . mich and lianne came over to exercise . wells it was . . i dont wanna say . anyways i was quite upset . so i decided to share it with nic and lin . and yeah i 'm really glad i did cos i felt sooo much better after that . so i shall do it more often (:

TODAY

met shawnie at paya lebar today then she drove to parkway . had lunch there at the foodcourt . then my tuition friend said she saw me . hahs i miss bio tuition (: okay whatever ! then shawnie told me about her and all and yeah i 've realised that this cant go on anymore ! its been two months . gotta get things right and restore broken fellowships . so i just hope this sunday everything will be great (: then walked around for a bit tried to find my blue hair dye but cant find ! ! argh . but saw temporary blue hair spray instead . . but then i dunno . if really really cant find then i shall try that out ! then shawnie sent me home . oh yeah and the whether was WEIRDD it was raining and then sunny and then raining .

okay then came home quite early . i fell asleep ! woke up at 5.10 ! supposed to meet nic at 530 at tampines mrt then we met and i told her my really horrible nightmare . it was kinda heartbreaking and can really feel that sense of betrayal . and it felt so real cos of everything that happened yesterday . then i woke up tearing , sometimesi feel as though that i'm such a lousy friend . i feel that i cant be counted on . but i cant stand it any longer ! i'm gonna change that !

then went for dance ! went early today at 630 cos was supposed to 'sit in' for chrislyn 's meeting together with meixiu . so then we went but then it was kinda embarrassing cos not in the same tribe or anything so . . we went downstairs to magic box to practise dance steps . hhhas and i never knew meixiu can be so crazy sometimes ! then we went buy dinner at kfc . humph so angry with the waiters , service so slow somemore then never even give us spoon for our mash potato ! argh . then gobbled up our food cos everything was gonna start . today was the combined rehearsal so it was kinda fun (: then yeah not dancing to majesty anymore ): then went to practise and practise our steps and samantha and huihui affirmed me that i have improved in my sharpness and all ! hahas i'm so happy really , that really encouraged me , so i'm gonna do my best for god ! then we talked bout the new year bash again ! ! ! hahahahas i'm so excited ! yayayayayay !! then went up to the audi for combine rehearsal .

THIS WAS THE FUNNIEST PART !

cos this sunday it'll be special cos we'll be singing 'jesus loves me this i know, for the bible tells me so " yeah that song ! hahahs so then whn we were halfway singing , the worship leaders told us to turn to one another and sing it to each other . so then me jiahui and rachel turned to each other when we saw , down the row , meixiu and chrislyn were linking arms and skipping around ! hahas so then the 3 of us held hands in a circle and began to skip around ! ! like little kids ! hahahs omg it was so funny and we were laughing and laughing cos it was just so crazy ! then meixiu and chrislyn came over and the 5 of us began to skip around in one big circle too and laughing away ! hahahs that was the best ! i think we all suddenly became very crazy and acted like little kids cos of the song ! but so sad we cant actually do that on sunday ! or else it'll be so funny ! hahahs so cute .

and wah today was miraculous , i could actually feel myself really involved in just worshipping God . must be all that had happened . . and really today i felt His JOY again ! havent felt that in a long long time . and i'm so happy . then after that had a post briefing and it was all joy and laughter (: and i really thank God so much that i've found his joy again tonight ! so then ended quite early , just before 10 . then me and meixiu just hanged around for a while then walked to the bus stop together . i really wanna dance this sunday ! ! but then if mich is coming then it'll be kinda difficult . haiya . oh wells .

anyway tmr i'm supposed to go to school and meet the vp . but i feel so lazy to ! then so inconvenient and all . argh . so maybe i wont ! hahahs . see first (: nights world !

sooo todayy . mom went off to shenzhen in the morning . then had chinese tuition . had to drraaagg myself out of bed so early to finish my homework ! and the night before slept at 3am cos of it man ~! argh crazy . So then after tuition met chrislyn and went to the gym downstairs to exercise . so yeah today we actually ran like 2km on the treadmill ! yay so fruitful but soooo tiring . then we practiced our dance steps for this Sunday ! I cant wait although I dunno if I’m still dancing . . but anyways we talked lots and found out that meixiu already dyed her hair red ! ! hahhas cant wait for my turn ! BLUE HIGHLIGHTS ! so yeah cant wait for dance this thurs too (: so after that rested for a while then went to parkway to walk around . trying to search for someth to wear for the wedding . nothing much so then went home for dinner . anyways . someth like totally pissed me off ! argh . nevermind . forget it .

i've just been thinkin . i shouldnt have said all i've said in my last post . some of them were so mean . but anyways i really dont mean it . just needed to pour out everything and vent my anger/sadness whatever . things are getting okay at home . auntie maggie's here to stay to take care of us while mom's away . well . didnt do much today . stayed at home . i think i shall list my schedule here again . for this week .

tuesday - chinese tuition in the morning . meeting chrislyn to work out at my house later.
wedenesday - going out with nic and lin.
thursday - meeeting shawnie in the afternoon then touchdance at night .
friday - perhaps go to school to meet the VP
saturday - melissa's wedding at TC
sunday- church . maybe dancing if mich isnt coming .

there you have it , for my own convenience though . not to show the world what i do .

i'm so confused right now . cos its about last night . remember i said mom wanted to talk to me ? well she finally did , last night . and . . it was just bad . we started off about studies . then about me , she told me that she can sense it that i have changed . like i've become very materialistic and my dressing , accordding to her , has been very revealing . i mean its seriously not my fault that i dunno how to choose my sizes well that i end up buying a bigger size with the arm holes too big and the neckline too low . well i thought my washing machine would shrink it . anyways . then she also told me that recently when she had cell group in our house , aunty clare which is her cell leader told her that she also could feel that i wasnt the same as i used to be . and i guess i wont doubt what she says cos i know its true that when a person is very anointed with the holy spirit , they are able to sense what is going on in another person's life . thats how people pray for others whom they do not even know during ministry time . i know myself that i have changed . but i didnt know it was that bad . i still dont think it is . but i never know .

so then she asked me about all my new clothes . and she knows that they're from topshop , zara and all that . then she couldnt understand where i got all the money from . she even thought i WORKED like after school or someth ! thats crazy . truth is , i just bring food to school every day and dont spend my allowence at all , then by the end of the week i'll have money ! duh . but obviously i cant tell her that ! she'll prob be like the money is for you to eat not buy clothes or worse i'll have no pocket money and will have to bring food to school everyday . so of cos i couldnt risk it ! then i tried to tell her they were bought at a warehouse sale at cheap prices BUT she said she saw them in stores while out shopping ! argh . what a smart mother i have .

now this is the WORSE thing of all . she says its because of the company of friends i mix with now . i'm not denying thats a fact . and she told me that the holy spirit revealed to her ALOT of things when she prays for me . argh . i cant believe that ! that means i can NEVER EVER lie to her about anything cos she'll always find out anyways . THANKS ALOT HOLY SPIRIT ! okay i know thats a good thing and all , and yeah i wanna change and be good . but not right now when i feel so screwed up and secrets all revealed ! and i also found out from my mom that she has a friend whose daughter is very close to her and tells her ALL her stuff . so one fine day , her nosy ass daughter went on friendster to do some profile hopping . and she SO UNFORTUNATELY came upon MY PROFILE and saw all the pics that me mich and lianne took on some of our various girls night out or shopping trips . AND SHE SHOWED HER MOM THE PICS ! ! and her mom went to tell my mom that she saw me in the pics dressing 'very provacatively' . like WHAT THE SHIT IS THAT ?! omg i tell you whoever that big fat bitch is , she must have known me or else she wouldnt have shown her mom the pics . so i've already thought all about it and i have my list of shortlisted suspects ! and that stupid fcuking bitch will so get it BACK ! COS I HATE HER ! I HATE THAT FCUKING BITCH TO THE CORE ! SHE IS A NOSY NOTHING BETTER TO DO BITCH WHO FINDS JOY IN PRYING INTO PEOPLE'S LIVES AND DISHING THE DIRT OUT OF THEM AND I HATE HER ! ! ! OMG I HATE HER LIKE SHIT . I SO WANNA GET INTO A SUPER BIG GIRLFIGHT AND GIVE HER THE TIGHTEST SLAP I CAN . I HATE HER SHE IS A RUINER OF LIVES AND SHE IS A MEANEST BITCH IN THE WHOLE WORLD ! I'M STILL SO ANGRY I CANT FORGIVE HER NOW . SO DONT EXPECT ME TOO . MAYBE NEXT TIME . WE'LL SEE , IF SHE STOPS BEING A FREAKIN BITCH ! but anyways . i have deleted my friendster account and i officially hate bloody friendster my whole life ! !~ and worst still mom doent wanna tell me who the person is . but hahs i'm smart i've already SHORTLISTED THE GIRLS ! I HOPE YOU'RE READING THIS , BITCH , COS I HATE YOU !

so then afetr that i was seriously fuming so whatever mom said i just totally answered back and all that shit , yeah yeah i know i'm wrong and all . but cant you see it ? if you ever knew how i felt then . i felt sooo betrayed . even though i dont know who that bitch is . then after she kept talking and talking and all . i felt really angry with god . and i was like crying already and all that stuff . i just felt so angry that i didnt understand why is this happening to me . so then mom wanted to pray for me , and that just so wasnt the right time ! so at first i didnt wanna hear any prayer or whatever sorts . at that time i felt it was my way of getting back at god by avoiding him and alll . so when mom prayed i totally covered my ears cos i didnt wanna hear ANYTHING she said . and yeah it was a such a long prayer ! my hands ached at the end of it . okay whatever i know that was a really childish thing to do . but i was so angry then . what do you expect . then at the end of the prayer , i think mom actually cried during it . wheni saw her , i wanted to feel sad , heartbroken that i made her feel this way but then i stopped myself from feeling that way and tried to make myself feel like i couldnt give a damn about it . so then mom wanted to hug me . but i was still so angry i didnt let her . i seriously felt like pushing her away . but i didnt . i just didnt hug her back . but i think i was damn mean . i was like are you done yet ? my gosh , i was such a bitch . so in the end she left my room . then after which i was still furious , i so felt like just DOING SOMETHING to just END all this shit . but see even if i jump down now i'll still be here , like my soul/spirit/whatever will still be living on . i could never just disappear from this face of the earth so then i felt so helpless . like nothing i would do would end all this . so i grabbed my 'tools' and did someth to me , and poked the bed and the floor . so since mom was hearing so much noise she came in , AGAIN ! argh then she wanted to wait for me to sleep before she went to sleep . then argued for a while and again until she left . i know that i hurt her alot and all , also cos she told me that . but i didnt think of it at that time . so then after trying hard to get to sleep and thinkin about so many stuff i finally did .

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woke up this morning with puffy eyes due to all the crying . argh . then i immedietely rushed to freakin friendster to delete my stupid account ! i hate friendster ! then rushed to get ready for church . supoosed to meet at 1130 for lunch and cell . my plan initially is to NOT TALK to any of my cell people at all and just appear damn down and all . but it didnt really worked . i still talk whenever i go to church . so then met at the expo foodcourt and all . nothing much important . today it was only me nicole and sha . so during worship like everything was nice nice went infront . felt like i was in a high cos everyone ard was jumping and singing nice songs . but thats not how i wanna feel ! i wanna feel the REAL JOY ! but not today . then during worship we sang a new song . holy spirit by planet shakers . that songs always makes me wanna cry . so then i was thinkin about last night and all . like what mom kept saying about god and the holy spirit . and how god is so upset with me . and also how i've hurt her and how much i need the holy spirit . so when shawnie came to pray for me , i broke down . like for the first time during worship since . . i dunno when last year i guess . then during sermon surprisingly i was so attentive despite all that has happened . so today for ministry , the one thing that just spoke to me was the sin of omission . like you know what is right but you just dont do it or you forget to do the right things . that is so me . i really wanted to go infront . but somehow i just didnt . it felt so awkward going infront then cos my seats so faraway and all . but i just had that tugging feeling in my heart telling me to just go . but i tried to ignore it . then they started playing holy spirit again . then i told sha that i really wanted to go infront . but then i said i didnt want too so she just comforted me and all then i just started crying again . like i couldnt stop myself . even when i'm typing all this now ,. i feel like crying . so then shawnie prayed for me and shared me with this verse , i remember a little bit . like we shouldnt envy others and all that . i think it must be my envying that i've beginning to but stuff and all to compete who's dressing is better . but now i'm beginning to realise that i shouldnt be doing that , cos god doesnt want us to compare ourselves with others . and i'm also beginning to understand that all these clothes and bags shoes accessories are all just materialistic things that will fade away once God comes back for us again . todays sermon also talked bout his second coming too . but still , that doesnt stop me from liking them . hahs whatevr ! maybe i'll just become less . . materialistic . so then i'm still feeling guilty bout my mom thing . but yeah . thats the end of it . i just feel damn depressed now .

also this post is really a deep down and private one , it s all about how i really feel inside . not the outer me that other people see . so i'm taking such a great big risk in putting this up . but whatever la . this is like my diary anyways . one day i'm gonna print all my entries out and compile it into a real diary , end of this year .

todaayy . we had drama from 9-12 ! but . . as usual the little plan the 3 of us had was into action . we all set our alarm clocks at 830am . and as usual , our 5 mins more became like half an hour plus . that by the time everyth was done we reached school at 11plus HAHS so much for 10am ! anyways i had a dream last night . and i liked it . it was about someone (: but i think i'm crazy to like him ! okay but then cos we couldnt find drama , we walked around searching everywhere until like we found them and it was like 113o already . yay only halfan hour left (: hahhas . then after drama went to find the VP but she went off to taman negara ! eeeew . i will NEVER EVER EVER in my whole entire life go back there again ! so must go back to school next week again . whatabother ! anyways lianne went off and mich came over . had lunch and then went to bugis and bras basah to get my fys . went to DIVA . saw really new cheap accessories on sale ! but i'm broke . argh so then walked such a looonng way to brasbasah and all . walked back to bugis then walked around . pinkindustrie was having sale ): not fair . just the time when i'm money-less ! so then went home was late it was raining so then mom had to pick us up after her cell . she wasnt happy . ohwells . she wants to talk to me later about my shopping , studies and all . notgood ! ohhwells . anyways i'm kinda sick . i'm sniffing and my throat hurts . tsk .