i've just been thinking , and come to realise how much i lost touch with Him . i wonder where that fire and joy in knowing and serving Him has gone . and you know what, i feel guilty and maybe a little down at times. which make me realise how much life isn't complete without Him in it. at times like these when our relationship isn't going strong , i feel like there's an empty space in my heart. and i feel the empty space giving me that nagging feeling that i have to do something about it . and at times like these , circumstances in my life change , circumstances that make me realise that i can't do without Him , that its impossible not to have Him in my life . and then i remember about this special 'conscience' that i have , the one that speaks to me so clearly , guiding me through decisions . i can't ignore this conscience , or else it'll just disappear altogether one day. and i dont want it too . sigh there're so many issues in my life right now that i know i have to deal with . i haven't been going strong , but sometimes its just so difficult to get back on track with God , because after awhile i'll tend to stray again . oh someone help me please.

today morning was scary. HOW ON EARTH COULD SHE HAVE SUSPECTED? like its so random that she called so early in the morning , cos usually we're all still sleeping . like as though she had KNOWN it was gonna happen . what if there're like cameras around that i dont know of! omg i'm seriously so scared , she can be the sneakiest person on earth ! but thankfully , it wasn't that bad , on the positive side (: thank God ? i guess and hope so , for giving us a chance .
on the other hand , some parts of the morning just makes me smile (: hahahah , cute wasn't it ?

church today was like kinda . . . zzzxx . there was literally no one present . sigh why is it always like that! but anyways went to find adrina darling after service . hahahahaha jing-a-lingling ! okay i feel so bad now , i better stop before karma gets back at me . then she came over for awhile , and we pigged out on B&J from the tub. oh shiok (: sigh fatties . looks like that stupid 28day exercise and diet plan didnt really work out. i'm so undisciplined ! see la , thanks to someone who told me that for sure i wouldnt carry it out everyday ): positive encouragement from the start would help alot ,thank you. hahahah oh wells . the week ahead's gonna be interesting ! and craaazzyyy too (: and its the LAST week of the hols. i havent started studying . can someone kill me please . i'm so worried . i want to slap myself to wake up and hello , its like only about four months left , vanessa! what the hell is wrong with you?! okay i vow to become a full time studying student 24/7 once school starts . thats a nicer way to tell myself i shall be a nerd . HAHA okay whatever .

Love is when you give someone the power to hurt you , but trust them not to .