Sigh, i miss my friends. Well, more precisely, I miss Nic and Lin. You know how great it feels to have two good friends both grounded in Christ that He becomes the pillar of our friendship? and that means we can share things we can't share with other people who don't understand.
I seriously hope we can finally meet this Friday. I miss them loads!

Yes I'm finally back from the lovely holiday in Tokyo and Shenzhen/Hong Kong!
Had much fun there and I JUST ABSOLUTELY LOVE THE COLD WEATHER!
Oh man can i like live there or something?

Anyway, this trip really opened up my eyes to many things.
Like how some of those workers at dad's factory are my age or younger and they have to do all those manual labour stuff. it was really funny, cos the moment we walked in, every single one of them turned and kept staring at us. i felt like a celebrity for once! HAHA.
but it also leaves me to know how blessed i am, which is obviously the intention of my parents for bringing us there. well, it worked!

Sigh those pampering salon trips we had was such an experience too, you can never get that price in sing. AWW I MISS IT!

Anyways, i'm bloggin for a reason again. and that's to rant out my bottled up feelings and thoughts once more!

Okay first things first. There're a few things bugging me. so i'm gonna start with the most recent one.

Damn. school is starting tmr and i havent started on photog assignment 2 and the rest of the dreaded assignments that are due next week! OHMG.

the next thing, i feel like i'm missing out on lots of stuff. i feel like everyone else around me seem to be enjoying themselves, going out and shopping and interacting, while i'm stuck at home. although i do have lots of stuff to do like editing pictures all day today, playing Wii and clearing my room, and exercising and STARTING ON MY ASSIGNMENTS OMG. its really bugging me.
but i long to go out! ): like seriously. i feel like everyone has moved on except me.
although i know i'm really privileged in other terms, like family life. with dad getting a brand new big car, getting to go on a wonderful holiday and having a harmonious family and most importantly God in my life, what more can I ask for right?

well, there always seems to be more that i want than what i have now.
okay i shan't dwell on it, things will get better next year i hope.
here's to a wonderful 2009!

OMG. I can't believe i'm back here blogging again. well, i kinda prefer to have my own personal blog y'know. anyway there's no particular reason why i'm back here. just felt like it, coming back to this blog and relieving the old memories and putting in new ones of course.

Anyway, today afternoon i received a phone call from a distant friend. Someone whom i've not spoken to in ages. It was for a favour of course, since now the exams are drawing near. I think it was kinda awkward at first? or so i felt, at the start. Haha i think i'm great at masking emotions over the phone. Too bad its not like that for me face to face.

So yeah, i wanna know how do i change this blog to be under my new email?
I really want to revamp this blog.
And revamp the whole tone of my previous 15- 16 year old self.
Gosh, when i read back on my old entries, i totally sound like some hyper kid gushing away about something.
Oh well. I have grown. Cliche as it sounds, its true.

OHMG GUESSSSSS WHAT! i have been accepted into TP's communications and media management! ohmg i can't believe it! i was so so happy when i saw the 'congratulations' on the JPSAE website!

okay here's the whole story. i woke up early yesterday morning receiving an sms saying that i've been accepted into business/logistics/marketing in TP through jae. i was like really shocked and upset. and trying to accept it as i guessed that was probably where God wants me to go. in the afternoon i even went down to TP with Mich and her dad to ask about the appealing, and got my letter and resume all ready to send. haha i was advised to be super kiasu and send 4 copies of my appeal letter. Two by email to different addresses of course, one by post and one in person to TP itself. So i went to send two letters by email first, and today i went back down to TP with mich to deliver the letter when the people told me i had to make a copy of my ic and results slip as well! which i didn't, so i planned to go back tomorrow.

so in the end, me and mich decided to head off to town for shopping and eating! when on the bus, this lady from tp called and said she received my letter. then she asked if i checked my JPSAE results, then i was like no, cos i didnt know where to check it from. then she said it was the jpsae website. but i realised that when i tried to check yesterday, it said 'click for application' so i thought they wouldn't have it. but it turns out that i actualy have to click on that link to bring me to the login page!

okay digressing abit here. anyway at town, me and mich felt really accomplished today! cos we bought these really pretty dresses that were such a steal! and me, finally found my gold bangles. and her, this really nice tee that fits perfectly! yeah then after that we went to lido to eat and talk, and walked around topshop and found this golden top that was on sale!

yeah so back to the topic. reached home and i logged on to the jpsae website. and THE MOMENT I SAW 'CONGRATULATIONS' I FELT LIKE I COULDN'T BREATHE! and i just started laughing and screaming! it was like pure euphoria, something that i've not felt in a long long time! and i just kept thanking God over and over again cos he granted me the desires of my heart just like what it said in one of the psalms! GOSH I'M OVERJOYED NOW! I REALLY WANTED THIS SO MUCH AND HE GAVE IT TO ME! AHAHAHH I'M SO GLAD!

well now i just really hope that everything will go well for mich and her course. so that she can stay in tp, and me, mich and lianne can be in the same school! ohmg, seriously so happy now! thank God!

haha oh yes anyway, yesterday i went for the audition for NDP 2008 for the hiphop dancing thing that youthnet organised. met up with chrislyn and we headed to the alienated bedok camp. then we learnt the steps and all, which are so not hiphop! its more like aerobics/warm up exercises haha. then yeah we got chosen as 'hiphop' dancers while others were skyrunners. then all the hiphop people had to form this large circle and each of us were to take turns to perform one eighth of freestyle dance individually! nerve wrecking. then there was another round where a few of us had to stand inside the circle and dance around each other. hahaha it was damn hilarious! but it was totally fun. and we met alot of new people and made friends with them too, everyone was really nice and friendly. oh well, there'll be many more practices to come then!

ahh yay, can't wait for tmr. finally meeting up with mich and lianne after eons! and its dress day! haha and after that finally going to dance rehearsal again together with the adult dancers! (:

What a week it was! Anyway to start things off, last week after service went to sha's house for visiting and dinner. Then the next day, monday, was my JPSAE interview for tp's mass comm! But firstly had to go back to school with glenda to collect our testimonials. And when i went there, Lopez was like 'oh i forgotten all about it! give me 10 mins, i'll go look for it' . so much for my letter. and mine was like just a draft, not the real thing unlike glenda's. seriously. Then went straight to tp, bumped into sherrie, amirah and farah. Was trying not to freak out, then it was finally my turn. All was fine till they asked me about my cca then i accidentally blurted out that i didn't participate in SYF. Ohmg i really felt so dumb, then i was trying despearately to think of things to say to cover it up. But all my words came out all wrong, and I felt even more nervous! They also asked me what type of magazines i read, so i said fashion magazines! Then luckily i remembered Newsweek in secondary school. oh well, i was being real and honest so hopefully they'll take that into account. Thank God in the end the interview ended on a good note!

The next two days were spent helping M about her whole situation. Goodness, i've never met a more cunning manipulative psychotic maniac in my whole life ever!

Oh yeah, and I did some baking for Vday! And it was spent with tiffany and michelle. Couples were bombarding every where we went, it was hard not to feel a little you know. But whatever, nothing beats being single and lovin it now after all that has happened. Anyway, we watched PS I Love You. And its not even that good! After headed for dinner, and sha came along too, at Raffles City.

Haha Friday was L's Big Night! Went over to her place in the afternoon to help her choose her clothes and prepare for whats to happen later on! It was so funny, she was like freaking out at first and I tried to calm her down but it wasn't much better for me either, as I'd be joining two complete strangers for dinner too! Then headed down to TM and we met them. They actually suggested Pastamania, but of course in the Rules are to NEVER eat pasta on a date. So we suggested our planned place Fish and Co, and we had a really early dinner. Dinner was real awkward, countless silences and L and i finished our 4 topics to talk about in less than 15 minutes! They didn't really elaborate or anything, but they were nice. Walked around after that, and headed to 77th street. Then there was this box full of 'magic boxers' that caught our eye, and we were staring at it wondering what exactly was that, when they came over. Then L asked him what was that! And his answer was a most hilarious one. So we burst out laughing and L was dying of embarrassment, it was so funny. After everyone settled down, we decided to go catch Jumper. And his friend decided not to join us, so you can imagine what a gigantic lightbulb i felt like because L didn't allow me to leave! But it wasnt as bad in the cinema. I decided to leave soon after the movie, which was obviously a good idea. Reached home and L called and told me everything. Gosh, she's head over heels now. But well, he got my approval!

Its been so long since I blogged! Anyhows, i'm like in malacca now. And i'll finally be going back home tomorrow, yay. Anyway so many things have happened over the last couple of weeks. Like new year shopping with mom and friends over the last few days, botanic gardens picnic with tiff, nic and sherrie, catching up with sha, and bowling and the whole me and him thing. i'm having such mixed feelings every time i think about it. in other words, i know what 'm supposed to do and i'm trying but then i have doubts and i don't want to and all. oh well.

But then again, i'm sure all those things mean little compared to the big interview that my whole future depends on this monday for tp's CMM! ohmg, i'm so scared. but i can't wait too. anyhows. some chinese new year this is. it wasn't what i expected. i thought that maybe this year would be different, like maybe there would be more bonding and stuff like that. but it didn't really happen. like today, we went to the jetty for karaoke and all the oldies were hogging the mikes with their oldie songs. like really old canto/chinese songs of the 1960s era i think. i even fell asleep because i was bored to death. but whatever , perhaps someday things will change. like people will really express interest in each other's life with love and concern and talk to each other without any tinge of annoyance. hopefully someday, God will make a way on my whole family situation.

Oooh i finally got back my results yesterday! The anticipation was killing me ever since wednesday night. and i didnt even sleep till 6am, no kidding! but well partly because i was on the line and had to finish nic and lin's scrapbooks at the same time. Then in the late morning, mich came over just like at that time during o's, and i felt like wow, ohmg time really flies because here we are awaiting our results. reached school and felt kinda sentimental as its gonna be the last time i'll be wearing the uniform and ever experiencing secondary school life again! sigh. i'm gonna miss lining up as a class accordding to index number and talking to the thirties, cheering my friends on and even listening to the little talks by the principal/teachers.

then well, the results were announced. this year we didnt do as well as expected. so yeah, i didn't achieve my target of 15 and below. because i got 16. was so upset at first cos like didnt meet the cop for mass comm. but like i think there's still hope now. anyway loads of people didnt do as well as expected. its kinda sad though. but after speaking to mom and her friend when i got home, i finally saw the light again. hahah, its true but cliche as that sounds.

then left the house again early to meet up with chrislyn at city hall. we decided to go for a nice big meal to cheer ourselves up from our results. so we headed to kenny rogers and talked about everything! then we realised that actually it was kinda our fault for not doing that well in humanities because during that time we went to lido to study together, we ended up buying so many donuts and gorging ourselves ! and we even went to walk around to look at the sales and tried on clothes! ohmg, we had such a good laugh about it and our silliness hahaha! so after dinner , headed to dance . and today was the audition/reassesment!

we learned a slow and fast choreography by kelvin. hmm it wasokay i guess, just that like so nervous! but then i improved since last time, hahah so i'm so happy (:

anyway today went to sp with mom to check out the media comm course. its okay i guess. i wouldnt mind goign there. but i'd rather go tp! and mich is considering going to tp too, for the new psychology course. thats another alternative for me too. and lianne! haha imagine if we all get into the same course , it'll be so fun!

before sp, mom took me out for lunch at Out of the Pan at raffles city. oh the crepes were so good! i can't believe this, but my parents are actually quite proud of me, i dont know why too. maybe because i surpassed their expectations. so they want to reward me! my dad's thinking of getting me a laptop soon. ohmg, thats unbelievable. and todaymom bought me that organiser from prints that i always wanted! so in the end, it was a good day. thank God for having such supportive parents, i really appreciate that! (:

oh man. i'm so touched by psalm 22 because it reminds me of how jesus was tormented and despised during the cruxifixion but he beared with it because he loved us so.

anyway class dinner was just now at the 85 market! finally saw most people after a very long time! and mostly everyone was talking about their current jc life, which makes me comtemplate again whether i want to go there too. but then, i don't know. we'll see how the results are on thursday. OHMG, thursday! anyway i've finally found someone in my class who also wants to do mass comm in tp, amirah! haha yay, but of course it'll be true if i can get in .

ah well. i'm still looking for a job. i need to work badly because i need money to go shopping. BUT But but, chinese new year is coming! hahahah so there'll be cashhhh. ohmg i sound so money-faced.

looking forward to later, finally meeting mich. and nic and lin for dinner too! (:

The past week has been much better so far! Finally got to meet up with people i've not seen for a long long time! And had loads of fun too as some shopping had been done as well, with lots of shops having sale and all.

Tuesday met up with tiffany and we headed to chinatown for awhile. I realised that there's quite some good shopping there too. can't wait to go again. and also to little india, heard there's a really good place for threading eyebrows. and then we travelled back to isetan scotts to meet mom, her friends, amelyn and her friend. it was a little awkward at first but in the end it was okay. and and i really dont mind going overseas to study! after amelyn told us about how highly paid the jobs are in perth and all the benefits, and definitely not forgetting the relaxed school system, i waaannt to go! but not now though, don't think i'm ready yet, probably after poly/jc or something.

Then on wednesday, met tiff and sherrie and headed to taka. Went for a nice nice lunch at tonkichi, i think? it was satisfying, no, our stomachs were filled to the brim, but it was good! ohoh i'm still extremely furious at my stupidity/carelessness! as i've lost fifty bucks due to carelessly stuffing it in my bag while rushing out of the house. now its gone so no shopping for me for the rest of the day.

thursday was rather tiring, worked out at amore before meeting chrislyn and heading down to ML to return our files. argh, i'll only be getting my pay in late feb/march! then went for dance, was really tired during practice, like had the 'i wanna go home and sleep now!' kinda feeling. but i the end it was quite fun, cos we learnt about the free dancing part!

ohh man, there's two things i need to get done urgently. find a good job that i enjoy and go take course-like dance classes. but unfortunately for the latter, the classes have already started at oschool/jitterbugs, so gotta wait till march.

Relaxing day today finally. Was beginning to feel worn out after being out everyday. so ended up goin to parkway for a little while with mom for tea and some grocery shopping.

Tomorrow's gonna be tiring too, cell devotion at east coast in the morning then going down town to do some flea market shopping. hope there will be some steals for dresses like the last time!
Breakfast and sol2 with chrislyn on sunday morning. that brings back memories with a particular someone, stupid ones though. okay maybe not, but i feel they are right now at this point of time.

FINALLY COMING TO MY SENSES! :D

You know what, I've finally come to my senses. It was yesterday night after talking to him and today as well, as I pondered over what I've done and talked to God about it. And i'm really glad that i've finally come out of this trap of getting so overwhelmed by my own feelings that i tend to make stupid decisions. Like telling him how i felt about him. Yes i know, i can't believe i did that, and its like the first time i ever did something like this! I was so embarrassed after that and his reaction was not quite what i expected. But it wasn't bad, but i'm glad. Because i think it was neccessary for me to snap out of this falling in love fantasy of mine.

And yes! Two nights ago, i had this dream about him. It was a bad dream. To cut the whole long story short, i dreamt that he hurt me again. The feelings that i experienced in that dream were so real, the familiar 'stab in the heart' feeling and the tears that i cried in the dream. It was very emotional, and the whole point is that it was a reminescence of the past. This dream reminded me how it was like to be hurt, the feelings that i experienced last time became familiar to me again. And i can say that i definitely do not want to feel these horrible emotions any time soon, they're just so unpleasant. And when i woke up the next morning, the familiarity of those emotions are still there, even now as i'm typing this, i can still feel it.

I'm glad i had this dream because it gave me something to really think about, like whether do i want to experience them again, and whether what i'm doing now is worth it. I also believe that God gave me this dream for a very good reason. And today confirmed this belief even more asi was at Trumpet Praise and i came across this book about dream interpretations, and what God is trying to tell you in them. In the section on 'Past Relationships' , it says that having these dreams indicate that i'm tempted to fall back into old patterns and ways of thinking. and it is also a warning from God not to relapse into old habits and mindsets that were not profitable. When i read that, i was like 'OHMYGOSH! thats so true!' and i could really really sense that God was working and his plan for me was to kinda like stay away from him. Not that he's bad or what, but its probably best that way.

And having the conversation with Nic last night also helped. She definitely brought me to my senses too, by reminding me not to play with fire and not being so naive. Thanks girl! Even though after i talked to her, i still talked with him. But i'm glad that happened because this time our convo was different. It was just plain friend-ly and I felt weird after we hung up. Like kinda stupid, but THAT brought me to my senses as i realised it should stay that way.

My plan and promise this year is to develop a more intimate relationship with Him and really grow. I've also decided that i'm never letting any relationship that i'll have, be it friends or guys, sway and break my relationship with Him. Unlike what happened last year. But i've got no regrets because many memories were made and trials that had happened made me learn alot too. So i totally thank God for answering my prayer on leaving this whole matter in His hands and revealing to me what should be done.

I don't think a friendship with him is worth growing either because many times i've taken the initiative to try to get him to open up and talk about things. But its like he tells me he doesn't know what to say/he can't remember, and it gets boring. Like 'no creative juices ah!' Like he doens't really talk man! ohmygoodness. now i'm convinced that i should just not care about him anymore. wasting my time. that sounds mean, but thats how i really feel, because i have been wasting my time waiting for him anyway.

Oh man, this is super de duper personal. But never mind, I don't think he'll ever read this anyway!

HELLO HELLO! its been liek so long since i last blogged. because so many things were going on, like intensive rehearsals for countown party and all.

but thats over already. so now i'm pretty free. well actually, VERY free!
and thats not all. looks like my fantasy about holiday flings are coming true. HAHA.

welllllllllll. its actually you again! as in you know who, who else can it be!
i wonder/hope thigns between us go well.
why can't i ever let go?
i think its because we never really ended it in the first place?

okayokay. all i need to do now is to guard my heart.
hurt, disappointment , pain , i don't want you to come back .

but its so difficult, when you just find yourself genuinely caring for that person again.
sigh. what am i going to do.

anyway i suddenly have the urge to go shopping in town. haha.

and also i've been having insomnia every night lately. last night i couldn't sleep so i went to eat till a full stomach before sleeping. i figured it prolly will work to help you sleep better?

tonight, i'm thinking , if i can't sleep , i'm gonna take a walk downstairs! haha. too bad i'll be alone, it'll be so much more fun if someone were to join me! (:

yayyee! mom finally signed me up for amore fitness today! so went down to bugis for the hip hop class. gosh i must say that it really got my heart pumping , what a workout! can't wait to go for more classes (: then while i was on the way home, i received this prank call. super irritating. the person, whom i think its a girl was like asking me if i was an octopus? i think. i couldn't make it what she was saying. then she was like, go look at yourself in the mirror! and hung up. what the hell. and octopus?! that reminds me of something. or someone.

1st day - 9 december

took the overnight flight. so reached seoul about 5am. it ws freezing!about -2degrees i think! then waited at the hotel lobby to check in, fell asleep on the couch until it was about 9plus am then went to eat buffet breakfast! after that took a bus up to the seoul tower. it was at the top of the mountain so could see some remnants of the snowfall a few days ago. and the rest of the day just toured around seoul to places like dongdaemun, but didnt get to do much shopping cos of the rest of the family.

2nd day - 1o december



woke up early. met the koh family downstairs at the lobby and we got a pic together. then headed to the everland theme park by bus. its apparantly voted one of the top 5 theme parks by forbes. and its erally not bad, they've got everything from a zoo, to golf course, to water parks and all. so first we visited the animals where we would sit on the enclosed bus and the lions, bears and tigers would be out in the open surroundding us! but i didn't get to try those thrillin adrenaline rush roller coaster rides! cos no one wanted to take them with me, argh! left early and headed to Lotte World. bought yummy Krispy Kremes. oh yeah, you know they're so generous, they actually gave one WHOLE donut as a free sample! then ate dinner at some jap restaurant. and oh, the food in korea is really expensive! walked around abit and headed back to the hotel.



3rd day - 11 december



SKI RESORT!

woke up early in the morning and together with the Kohs we took a Jumbo Taxi to the Lotte mart area to wait for the bus to take us to the YongPyong ski resort. its also the place where they filmed that korean drama winter sonata haha. after the 3 hour bus ride which i spent napping, finally reached the freezing ski resort! snow was everywhere, but we all couldn't wait to get into the hotel! then finally found it, so while waiting for the parents to check in, the girls were fascinated by this teddy bear christmas tree in the hotel lobby. that christmas tree was practically covered with litttle plush teddy bears that were so adorable! so everyone began to bond by secretly taking a teddy from the tree. complete with giggles and all. then we all headed up to the hotel first which they had very special rooms called ondohs or something like that. they're actually heated floors and we all have to sleep on the floor on mattresses. they say you canput a wet sock on the floor and it'll dry ! how cool is that! then went for lunch, bonded somemroe then went for skiing ! we all had NO IDEA how to ski at all but thanks to uncle koh , our instructor , we all managed to grasp it. it was so difficult at first, like climbing up the slope cos you just kept slipping back on going down was wayyyy scary too! and then and then so i fell down, thats when i noticed this guy! he's from singapore too. prolly on holiday. and . . . quite hot too! haha so then all of us decided to have a snowball fight. omg it was so fun! just like in the movies!







OKAY WAIT YOU KNOW WHAT. I'M TIRED OF TYPING EVERYTHING DOWN. BLEAH, JUST ASK ME ABOUT MY EXPERIENCE AND I'LL TELL YOU.

anyway the incident with that hot guy, nothing really happened. but there were some things! haha .

4th day - 13th december

Spent the whole day skiing today! right from after lunch all the way till the night! we bought the package for the ski lift today, which is this gondola chair which takes you all the way the mountain and then you ski all the way down. saved us all the energy from climbing up the slope! i was having ALOT of difficulty skiing down at first, i fell really really badly so many times and i felt like giving up too. but in the end with uncle koh's help, i manged to learn how to turn, which means you ski in a 'S' shape down the slope instead of going all the way straight, which is super fast, scary and not advisable. after mastering it, the rest was just pure fun. and we decided to try the other steeper slope and oh gosh all of us managed to ski all the way down without falling , including my little sis! we were ecstatic! but it was terribly cold too, our hands were frozen and numb. but i still miss the cold weather! sadly today I didn't get to meet anyone, especially that mr mysterious! ohh well.

5th day - 14th december

It was time to be off back on our way to Seoul. This time the bus ride was super fun because all the girls sat at the back and we were like playing all sorts of games, chatting about loads of stuff and listening to music and singing along! and surprisingly even though the other girls are quite young, like primary school, we can still talk about stuff like gossiping about people in our schools and like current stuff in the news, movies and the songs that I listen to. ohh, kids these days.

anyway we finally reached the hotel, and guess what? we camwhored alot, doing all sorts of poses. and it wasn't my idea okay, so now you can imagine what i mean by kids these days.

After that went up to our rooms to play again, before I left for shopping at night with mom, dad and the koh's grandma. we went to dongdaemun. because it was open till dawn . shopped for korean groceries at the supermarket first, and seriously they are extremely generous with samples, so we didn't need to have dinner after that! after that, me and mom carried on shopping at the dongdaemun street and bought really nice bags for such a pretty price, and everywhere was selling hoodies! some of them were really nice, i wanted to get them all! but it was also freezing , i think it was prolly 2 degrees out there. then i tried to convince mom to relish every moment of the coldness because it was our last day in seoul!


ACTUALLY THERE'S MORE. BUT I'M TOO LAZY TO TYPE EVERYTHING OUT.

updates on this week!

Monday - The long awaited gathering between me , michelle and li anne! met real late, and we headed off to tow in search of a place to do manicures but we couldn't find it, and were really tired already. so we headed to new york new york for dinner! i think that can be our all time fav diner! then talked loads about whats going on with us and stuff like that.

Tuesday was nothing much except for dance at night.

and Wednesday was kinda a day full of miscommunications. But in the end, went to ikea forlunch with tiffany and linette. ate alot of the really nice food, then headed back to tampines where tiff left first and walked around with lin.

OH and yesterday! oh gosh it was the fun-nest! met up with chrislyn first before dance and we headed to central mall to get our free starbucks beverages, i drank the toffee nut frapp, it was so nice! then meixiu and her friend, veronica finally arrived and then we queued up again for another drink haha! was so embarrassed when the person told us we can queue as many times as we like , when we were talking about whether it was possible for another round. was so full after two drinks that we walked around a bit and took a bus down to dance. laughed super alot in the bus, and we were real late for dance!

but today it was rehearsing for this sunday's platform and i won't be around! cosi'm flying off tmr! and its really been a super duper long time since i've done platform! sigh but nvm.

anyway i was just reading back on my last year's post and i realised many things were repeated , like the last year's thrusday dance practice , before it, i went out and had a time of my life too, and so was yesterday. and i flew off on the 8th. which i also am doing so this year! ahhaa

sugar, my adorable cat. he looks hilarious here, because my sister's scaring him with dishwashing gloves!

oh gosh, it think today was absolutely amazing! michelle came to join me for church today, and the message by nick vujicic was so touching that i'm really awed and i just feel so blessed after today. the fact that he chooses to trust in God and all even though he's born without arms and legs. but i can really see the beauty of God's love in him and the heart that he has. its just so touching man. and he's such a dear too, after service, we all went up to give him a hug and he said 'i love you' to me! well actually to everyone else too . but its like so, sweet and beautiful (:

haha then after cell , went to meet up with meixiu and her friend, an chrislyn and her cousin to check out the sitex fair thing. oh yeah , and looks like my cell leader still remembers about my NUM bag! oh man, i really really really don't want to return it! but luckily i won't be around next sunday HAHA! hope she doesn't remember about it during the week, i don't think i can give it up. BESIDES i think i ought to have that bag man! like you know, to make up for all those things he'd done.

anyway, over the last couple of days : found out many things from mich about that jerk. what a cunning, manipulative piece of . . . how could he say all those things to her, and about me as well! he's obviously trying to break up our friendship and fabricating stories and all! talk about being eloquent the wrong way!

but all these has made me realise that a relationship is really worth waiting for, so as to avoid any overthetop drama and insane boyfriends!

but no matter what, here's one thing i'll definitely stand firm to ; which is i'll never let any guy break up the friendship i have with any one of my girlfriends. after all, boyfriends can come and go, but girlfriends remain forever.

so plan for tomorrow is meeting up with michelle and li anne after a very very long time! looking forward to it, haven't seen and caught up with li anne for ages! (:

whoohoo. the last two days was spent 'working' in shangri la with chrislyn, mich, and jiajun. its all part of this television event thing that requires alot of people to act as though this event is really popular i think? so yeah all we've done for the past two days, 5 hours each is slacking at the really nice hotel lounge, ordering drinks and food, which are all fully claimable. ahahha not bad, and yeah , we're paid to do that.

and today we ordered some nice alcoholic drinks like sex on the beach , which i think is by far my favorite (: and this white chocolate martini thing which was really weird and a couple of others too. anyway all the f&b are seriously overpriced, esp the ordinary sandwiches we ordered yesterday which cost 36bucks!

oh yes, and yesterday after our hotel stint, me mich and jj ate at subway where we were laughing hysterically at jj's hilarious antics ohmg! we even made this bet for bowling, liek me and mich's scores combined to see if we can beat jj to it! and if WE WIN, he'll have to wear a This Fashion dress and parade around orchard singing to the theme song of powerpuff girls! and apparently he does it quite well HAHA. as for us, if we lose, we'll hav to get into recyling bins and act like those chinese cat figures whose paw goes up and down with our tongue sticking out. with a sign over our heads that reads 'I am a cute doggie' . obviously a species mix up!

but now, there prolly won't have this competition anyway. it all started with jj telling me irritating ghost stories that made me get scared while doing our surveying later at night. and when i was leaving first to the bus stop (late at night!), he shouted away 'BEWARE OF THE CLOWN!' wth, i was so pissed! which ended up he and mich having a huge quarrel, so now i don't know how.

ohwellls. DANCE TODAY! oh wait i mean just now, as in like thursday night (:

we learnt the opening dance for countdown party. Alive and Hurricane. well it was quite okay. i'm glad i did better this time round, so i felt. but i still feel so inadequete because i don't even have proper dance training! so tmr i'm going for salsa classes with together with mich and chrislyn and her cousin. and when i get back from korea i'm going straight to Amore to take up their dance package there! don't care !

and and i've to stop working soon. apparantly parents are not happy with this job that makes my prime time at night. sigh, but for now, its more and more cash collecting! (:

You know what, feelings are coming back again. Not those type of romantic feelings, but the hurt is. I just keep thinking about everything and when I read back on my previous posts, it just reminds me of those happy and super sweet memories that I wish I could turn back time and go through it again. And those horrible ones where I experienced so much pain and confusion, which makes me detest that person. So its like I'm having mixed feelings again. And i don't know what to do. Part of me longs for things to stay the same way, but reality is it prolly will for about a week? Then he'll go back to his old ways. Well, thats exactly what happened. Bittersweet. Part of me doesn't want to let go, but if I don't, how will I ever move on. I really need alot of determination and encouragement I think. Meeting new people is an option, but not a very good idea because it'll be like a substituition method and deep inside I prolly haven't let go yet, and in future I'll prolly be dependant on this , which really isn't good at all. Because now all I need is to be dependant on God.

Yeah anywayy, yesterday the three of us went back to international plaza to hand in our surveys. And there was this little confict that made us part our ways. So its just me and mich and him doing it alone. Well fiiinnee, we'll show who's the more efficient one. Because apparantly , somebody can't stand our perpetual lateness and 'irresponsibility'. So after planning our whole route, off we went to east meadows and completed all the surveys successfully! Then walked to the blocks of flats opposite our houses to complete a few others and we met a few very disgusting creatures on the way! Anyway alot of walking was done, but its good because we're burning all those excess calories from burgerking! All in all, we completed 13 surveys in 3 hours! HAHA thats 84 bucks each! YAY!

Oh yeah, today after dance went to parkway and ate at this so called Parkway Thai restaurant with Chrislyn. We indulged in the buffet spread! Which is actually very Singaporean in fact, with the usual fried rice, beehoon, chicken wings. It wasn't even Thai at all man! Where was the tomyam and olive rice and phadthai! Felt abit cheated, but it was quite cheap so I guess its okay. And we ate ALOT, felt super bloated after that haha but I love food so who cares! OH WAIT, have to exercise too! Yeah walked around for awhile and she showed me super cool card tricks ! Felt so sleepy after eating so much my gosh but at least we had a good time . (:

Tomorrow I'm doing church choir for service again! Sigh this really brings back memories especially on Thursday. Because I remember earlier this year, when my tribe did the choir, it was because of it that we started to being close. Just that this time, he isn't here to be in it. Thats why I wish like I could turn back time , to go through it again. Its always at the beginning when everything is the sweetest and the most mood-lifting which makes you just wanna skip around and go lalalala. Sigh but reality strikes again, that'll NEVER happen. So I wonder how tomorrow will be, hope nothing will happen that'll trigger of memories of the past.

I feel really enlightened now, as if there's a new hope in my heart and all that down-ness and sadness are beginning to disappear. Well its actually because today there was dance rehearsal and throughout I just couldn't seem to do it well , like I feel so drained and out of energy, like as if there wasn't any spark and enthusiasm to keep me going. And also many other unfortunate events happened so as a result I ended up feeling really shit after the practice right until now. I felt as though I couldn't make it, couldn't dance it, and really pressurized too.

Until just now when i began searching for the lyrics for 'I Believe' , the song we're dancing to, then I started to realise that ohmg, this song says it all, and its about believing I can and not giving up and holding my head up high. Such irony right, that I was dancing to this song and I felt that I couldn't make it. But now, after reading those lyrics, I'm starting to feel really determined to just go all out and practise as hard as I can for this dance, because its going to be for God! So here are the lyrics!

Yolanda Adams
I Believe

They said you wouldn't make it so far a a
And ever since they've said it its been hard
But never mind that night'cha had to cry
Cause you had never let it go inside
You worked real hard and you know exactly what you want and need so believe
And you can never give up
You can reach your goals
Just talk to your soul and say

[Chorus:]
I believe i can
I believe i will
I believe i know my dreams are real
I believe i can
I believe i will
I believe i hold it soon man
That is what i do believe

Your fools are justes singing, your soul aha
And you know that your moves will let them show
You keep creating pictures in your mind
So just believe they will come true in time
It will be fine leave all of your kiss and stress behind and
Just let it go
Let the music go inside again the pain
It just start to believe

[Chorus]
[Rap passage]

At third my yet what people say
Hold your head high and turn away
With all my hopes and dreams I will believe
Even though it seems it's not for me
I won't give up, i'll keep it up
Looking to the sky
I will achieve on my knees
I will always believe

[2x chorus]

yesterday and today was job training/job interviews at business hotspots with mich and jj. went for some telemarketing job training thing at raffles place yesterday for sph mags. and gosh i felt like i was in school okay! with script writing and had some role-playing too which reminded me alot about drama cca. stayed there for about 6plus hours then we went to tanjong pagar to enquire about the survey job. but they told us to come back tmr. then went for dinner with family at swensons, was so darn tired.

and today we went back to tanjong pagar again. and looks like we had an added benefit of another job! we're appearing as an 'acting crowd' for some television programme i think (: sounds like a relatively easy and much more fun than sound desk bound job of calling people all day long! with quite a good pay too (: and yup so after the survey training too, its for the ida singapore on some technology thingy and we've all gotten our files and name tags. felt so professional! haha and the best part, working hours and days are so flexible, you can work anytime you like!

gosh you know what, i don't think i'm gonna give up my beloved NUM bag! after all , i did deserve it!

OHMYGOSH! i haven't blogged for goodness knows how long ! well hello blogger i'm back ! so many things have happened i don't know where to start! ah okay anyways lets start with after O's , yes its finally over ! and ever since then last week has been going out to town and all looking for grad night stuff. and i finally dyed my hair on tuesday before heading to attica at night ! but it was dumb cos we didn't get in again after eating thanks to some fight. argh but definitely more clubbing to come ! then i finally got my new nokia phone on wednesday (; thursday was grad night stuff again before heading back to dance in church ! and now we're already rehearsing for countdown party! dancing to this song called 'I believe' in the movie Honey! then Friday did nails and hair with Mich before Grad Night. well it wasn't that bad except the hall looked liked the hall. and after that some band came to play and we were all dancing crazily around the hall and going high together! haha. then after the whole thing , went to haagan daz with sa and tiff. what a night (:

saturday had dance again in the morning, then went job hunting in town with chrislyn and meixiu. and we were just reminiscing about the past like how we were just rehearsing for countdown party last year, and now we're rehearsing it again! and how time just flies.

ah and well today. church. the message was on forgiveness and it really struck me. and i went out for minstry. i needed to forgive that person for what happened recently and probably to let go of past hurts and forgive him on that. i broke down quite alot and also shared my whole experience with rachel. and well after sharing everything with her , turns out that this whole issue is gonna get quite messy too. he'll probably be real mad at me as well, but i really hope everything will end well. and we'll all learn form this, especially him .

Today was great, but a little heart-wrenching. Met up with Shawn, Tiffany , Sha and Adrina for awhile before service, and seeing them just makes me feel so sad , because now I'm not part of them already. Especially darlings sha and adrina. When I think about all the fun and crazy times we had, and now its going to be gone, I can't help tearing. I miss them so much . Everyone of them, and now we're not going to be that close anymore, beacuse its all different, and kinda difficult too. But anyway after that, they walked me to my new cellgroup , and actually it was quite okay because I already know most of them there. I hope I'll be able to adapt well and stuff, even though its difficult now, but i guess its the best solution.

And today the Paradise band from australia came to play for service. Their songs are so nice, I totally love them ! And today from the sermon I 'm more aware that sin can lead to sickness. And yeah, its so true! After service, most of everyone left and so for cellgroup, rachel pea jenna wenshan and I , drove to the changi industrial park nearby, and went to the exact same shelter that me and him went the first time we met, and the memories flooded back . But whatever la, today was a sunny day, so there's alot of difference compared to last time. Anyway cell was good, and we each took walks with God around the park. and God really spoke to me and made me realise many things, like how life is going to be SO MUCH BETTER without him in it. And i believe that! After that, we found some lovegrass and took pictures with it by the pond. And i must say that park is really nice in a different way, filled with memories.

I think i really drew closer to God after today. The worship, the cellgroup time, the walk with God. All these made me feel much better about everything. And so now, I really hope to get to experience the new situations, the family bond, the fun and laughter that I used to have. Its been ages since I've felt this way. So I thank God, because he made me realise that this would be whats best to happen.

oh yay, my life is getting better so far, except for the fact that i'm forced to be stuck at home everyday that home's becoming like a prison to me, but definitely more luxurious though . the only day i could like ever go somewhere was on tuesday. with studying at the airport with Mich, Jiajun and his weird friend/maid Sean . Then had to rush back because of mom, which made me tell Mich everything that has happened to me so far. Glad she knows though, its so difficult to hide everything, and she was a great help to me too . The rest of the week is mugging mugging and more mugging. Please I do hope that I remember everything that I've studied!

Oh yeah, and so that Friday when we went back to that place, oh well, nothing happened! Great , that means the whole issue will be prolonged even more. Then they said they'll call us up again, so lets just wait and see.

And today, after Bio tuition at parkway, me and Mom met Rachel, my new cell leader. Sigh , yeah i'm gonna change cellgroup and all now. and i'll miss everyone back at Shawnie's cell terribly! But i'm glad after today, after getting to know Rachel better and stuff, I can't wait for a whole new beginning and family ! And this sunday I'll be finally going back to youth! and meeting a whole new group of people too . How exciting!

Tomorrow i'll be going to a another Chemistry group tuition with Lianne , taught by Amy too . Its in Orchard, hahahaha! yay, at least i get to go there (: ohmg, i sound like a sad no life person. But who cares , its just 7 more weeks to endure. Then once O's are over, I'm gonna shop like mad, go for manis and pedis at Dashing Diva, PARTY ALL NIGHT LONG ! and take up dance classes , do my hair and etc! So , perservering on now!

I've no time to blog or what nowadays . so i guess i won't be doing much after this anytime soon . and i'm not at church today, since last sunday my life is such a roller coaster ride . too many things have been happening to me lately . and they're all horrible things, distracting me . especially what happenind last sunday, 19th august . went out with Sha and Adrina before service , and something happened that changed our lives, we never made it to church. the rest of our sunday was ruined , being stuck in that horrible place for hours. It was just so scary , and i felt so many feelings i never felt before that day, and this past week . anxiety, anger , fear, shame , guilt . i've let everyone down . but then again, we've all got to accept our own consequences . maybe it was a good things that it happened , or else we'd never stop anyway . and my parents too , how disappointed they were, made me feel even worse. but Sha and Adrina , i still love the both of you no matter what happens . i'll never forget this experience , and even though i just have this feeling we're not going to be that close now onwards , i'll never forget you guys and all the things we went through together and the past two years . one day when we're all much older , hopefully we'll get the chance to look back together at all our experiences and realise how much we've been through , and even laugh about them .

Now what i really have to do is get my life back on track again. I've been such a different person the past month . and now i really thank God for having so much mercy on us, as things could've been much worse. and now there's my parents, aunty clare , the church all praying and helping me . how could i ever thank God enough , after what i've done? But i'm glad that God and everyone else is giving me a second chance , and a new beginning too, in terms of church and my walk with God . I can't wait , but yet i feel really terrible to leave everyone behind . because they were the ones who helped and moulded me first . and perhaps , i'm sorry that i've got to do this . it hurts when you think about it . next week , i really wonder what the outcome will be , but i really pray God's mercy will be on all three of us , and nothing will happen .

The other thing now is the whole Biology tuition controversy . Gosh, this whole thing that happened really made me , and Mich too , think twice about who we trust and believe , especially guys . never did we expect to meet someone that cunning , manipulative , hypocritical . and this has distracted us greatly from our wonderful study plans . but its okay, cause we gonna go through this together and not let this dramarama incident affect us ! we're gonna concentrate on our studies and be best friends with it for the next 2 months ! and at the end of this whole incident , we've really became smarter and not as gullible before . that will teach guys not to mess with barbie doll and polly princess HAHAH , anyway guys are jerks . be sceptical of all of them . thats what we learnt .

ARGH ! I LOST MY DARLING GLAMOROUS ENGAGEMENT RING IN CHURCH TODAY ! OMG ITS MY MOST FAVOURITE RING I HAVE EVER HAD AND I'M REALLY DISTRESSED NOW , AND I CAN NEVER BUY IT AGAIN BEACUSE THEY ARE ALL SOLD OUT FOREVER !

i have no idea where is it ! i remember going to the toilet with adrina during service and i think i might have absent mindedly threw it in the bin , but how can it be ? i'm not so dumb ! but, its possible . SIGH , MY RING ! ohwells .

hahahahahha anyway after service , sha, adrina and i , oh and plus adrina's new bf and his friend , trained down to raffles city for some spreeing action ! gosh it was LOVE. and it seriously took my mind off certain things that i SAW today in church. argh PISS ME OFF ! i'm so angry okay ! but never mind , after ranting about all the bad and gross points , i feel MUCH MUCH better! hahahahahh! take that man , you loser! i'm going to make you see how much you're losing out hahahha , serve you right man, you deserve it ! humph .

yup and before service , went shopping with tiffany at vivo (: i'm still thinking about that purple and silver striped jumper from pull and bear . sigh, i really think i should get it soon ! anyway it was fun , talk loads about many stuffs ! then went for lunch at superdog and off to church .

and yesterday too , went for this cd releasing performance at st james with tiff sherrie and rachel . took loads of pics (: then after that had dinner at vivo and yewjin came along too . ate so much ! hahha then walked around more and saw some really nice clothes which was why me and tiff went back again today ! gosh yesterday really was funny ! and tiffy's so lucky la ! hahah (:

oh great back to school tomorrow . and chinese O's results tomorrow too ! I'M SO SCARED ! God , i really pray that i'll at least get a C5 ! please please i hope and pray or else i really think my whole day will be ruined already ! (: haha okay then i have like more important things to do now so yeah i'm gonna do them . okay whatever that sounded dumb . anyway, goodbye world !

yesterday!

i'm sunburnt! argh i hate it cos it itches all over , but oh wells we were too lazy to put sunblock so it was definitely our fault! yesyes , one of the top ten beauty sins . hahah , anyway sentosa was fun ! lying on the beach with music and magazines and chips ! and freshly painted yellow and orange nails (: FUUNN . then after that headed to vivo for awhile, and we went to warehouse. hahahah love that shop , and only two of us will know why ! after that went to parkway and collected my retainers ! i dont like the feeling of wearing it , but thankfully it was not painful at all .

went back home and prepared for the night out (: hahahha back to sentosa again , for krunk2 !
it was enjoyable in some ways, but could've been much better man ! yeahhh , dance dance dance all night on the sand ! can't wait for more of all these after o's ! and, i dont feel bad at all for having fun , BECAUSE i studied before i went ! hahahha .

nothing much today though, but mugging session with mich tmr before bio tuition . and saturday with the appointment and the gig thing , then church on sunday (:

okay, i didn't go to school today . went to the docs and then planned to study the whole day. i have to , i'm getting really worried , its only about 2 and a 1/2 months more . and i can't stand it that once i've studied something , i forget it so quickly ! i don't know why too, that i've been feeling kinda down these few days, like exams exams and all, its like i've no mood to be hyper and cheerful anymore . sigh oh well , anyway FOP on saturday was great! really felt the presence of God , and worshipped Him like never before , its been such a long time since i worshipped him in this way, so it felt real great . (:

then on sunday, was the usual church day. i really have no mood for anything, no mood for being happy, or exercising or doing crazy things. everything seems so dull now , and i dont know why yesterday i suddenly missed him again. and it brought my mood down further. i just can't wait for all this to be over.

burger king with adrina after service!

YAY NO MORE BRACE-FACE !
went to see the dentist on wednesday and now they’re gone ! one year and eight months . wow that’s how time passes so quickly. the whole process of taking out was more uncomfortable rather than painful, especially the playdoh mould thing they stuffed into my mouth . eeew hahaha . i couldn’t stop smiling to myself yesterday haha , mom says that i don’t look like her daughter anymore! something about me looking so different when i smile . oh wells haha .

ANYWAY i haven’t been updating loads ! okay lets see , well last weekend was really great and meaningful too . Saturday was the Take the City walk thing at the padang . got there like really really early in the morning . and then warmups and all before heading up the stage . haha it was better than i expected , no unglam moments for me , thankfully (: then met up with sha , adrina and the rest . and off we went walking and talking . well here’s a secret : we walked just about three quarters of the journey then we went off to get a cab to Clarke quay . well there was a good reason for that okay , i suppose . hah the place was extremely quiet except for a few people who looked like they were on an amazing race thingy. took quite a few pictures and off we headed to wisma for such a sumptuous and fulfilling breakfast. ordered LOADS of food ! then walked around abit , before heading to raffles city with adrina after sha had to go . ohgosh there at raffles , we SPREED like mad ! warehouse , river island , Robinsons . the train ride home was madness because dear adrina transformed into a crazy woman and took out a bra from my bag for the whole train to see . hahahahha

Sunday was great too . met adrina darling early again and we went to Marina for more shopping and spreeing . went to topshop , and ohoh yes john little ! had such a HUGE , but delicious lunch again, gosh i’ve been eating quite a lot lately , never mind if its not unhealthy food ! after which we went spreeing at jl , it was just damn damn hilarious , with all our 'where's mommy? and i'm gonna ask mommy to buy this for me hur! ' ohmg hahahahahh.
anyway after that we were like really really late so got a cab off to expo and oh the cab ride there felt so surreal , because firstly the cabby got into a minor accident with this motorist so we stopped in the middle of the highway while he went to resolve the argument . then looking at all the stuff , well it was like we were finally snapped back into reality and those feelings we felt , it was really painful , like something being pushed into your heart. it was like we could feel God's heartbreak . so then we prayed , and after service at the altar call it was really good . we prayed together like never before , and after that we felt so much better . gosh i really thank God so so much for this . and we made agreements too , to never ever do this again .
then adrina came over for awhile after service and we tried on all our different clothes and stuff ! hahahh and guess what , we both can fit into Barbie kids size dresses! and the dress is actually NICE okay !

ANYWAY , today was simply such a hilarious day at school . chinese lessons were spent with all of us playing this finger teet-teet game and the goggles up game ! haha and how unfortunate that i had so many embarrassing moments today too . first it was the lakerol wrapper that looked SUPER WRONG , and the national geographic close up shots of really really scary disgusting-looking big RED ANTS! the moment i turned the page i jumped , because it scared me so! and becky caught my reaction , and the rest is just too humiliating to mention!

oh and yay i finally quitted the sec3 class for bio tuition (: (:

yay there's Festival Of Praise tomorrow! gonna be going with classmates , can't wait ! and on sunday too with church darlings!
looks like this weekend is going to be great again :D

i'm finally done with chemistry tuition and gosh i'm feeling so tired for doing any work or studying now . and and there's like TEN tests this week ! someone save me , its so tiring la .
sigh and lets just say last weekend was bad ): but i seriously hope this weekend will be great with dad coming back and a sumptuous family dinner to look forward too and and, the Big Walk on saturday! me and adrina volunteered to help out with the warm ups so we'll be on stage at the padang ! whoa , hahhahah (:

yesyes , anyway that'll be all for now. till then , its nerding :/ and hopefully little spreeing/shopping trips with darlingzx in between !

today today was such a wonderful MISSION ACCOMPLISHED day . so much better than what i've experienced in the past man ! so much better than you! had cell first outside church and then met girlfriend and we bused to town from parkway and headed first to wisma , but unfortunately topshop and f21 was like such a MAJOR disappointment ! anyway then went to isetan , and ohmg we did major spreeing there man , all those pretty tops , gosh and it was such a mission accomplished (: and the best part was when we rushed out to the toilets and did major unpacking from our shopping bags and had crazy laughing fits (:

after that headed down to cityhall's river island . LOVEEE that shop (: spreed on so many accessories , it was such a happy happy day. new clothes , new accessories = taking my mind of things not worth thinking about, like him . huhh! i dont care now , i'm in such a pissed mood , WHATEVER LA ! go do what you want, your life now anyway so why should i care so much . nevermind , i can find happiness in so many other things , like girfriends , shopping and the whole .

i had such fun today, girlfriend , and gosh i cant wait to do it again , even though you know , hahahha ! oh wells . mission accomplished once again (:

and the load of accessories !

i guess i'm taking it better than i'd expected , well thats good right .
keeping myself busy seems to work real well (:
oh but enough about that . now i shall just do whatever i want and whatever i like . no frills no barriers no nothing (:

so then went out shopping with adrina yesterday at vivo . ohmg , it was fantastic , we went crazy spreeing on much accessories (: shades, chains and bangles ! and its extremely addictive too , hahah LOVE IT . andand our crazy laughing fits as usual when we succeded in our plans! then nito met us halfway and headed to eat at superdog before training home . yayyaye can't wait for saturday's plan !

today was some racial harmony thingy at school . we all had to wear like ethinic stuff and all , but then fourseven wore our class tees . its like we created our own race or something , haha . and and its really so comfortable to come to school in a bigbig polo tee , shorts and slippers. we should have this everyday (:

oh and well . like my week last week was practically just horrible and stress-filled . family stuffs and us , i reallly felt i couldnt take it at that time . but well, i got through it, but thinking back i seriosuly hated all those emotions i felt during it . its like a whirlwind, a complete mixup of anger and hurt all trapped inside , and i felt as though i couldn't let it all out , which made it even worse . sigh , now like things are gone and all , and i still miss you. i'm wondering what the future holds . yeah time will tell , but still everythings so so unpredictable . and i cant stand it when things are , there's like no stability, you see . but then again , there's nothing i can do about it .

its all over . everything is over now . i'm trying hard not to think about it , not to think about anything . but its so hard . i dread it when morning comes , when i wake up , i dread that first thought that comes to my head . its like reality sinking in , and it hurts . oh gosh . i'm in a disarray of emotions , i dont know what to do . i just feel like not doing anything , sitting on a gigantic grass patch on a hill , letting time pass by , thinking and reflecting. but then again , like as if there's time to do all that .



God save me .